mcpcola's daily (or not so daily) joke thread
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Turbo. Targa. Life.
SupraMania Shirt Slinger!
Been way too long!
Necromancy woo!
So mercury and Lead walk into a bar.
they see their buddy Gold, but he doesn't notice them, so they shout out:
"A U!"
Necromancy woo!
So mercury and Lead walk into a bar.
they see their buddy Gold, but he doesn't notice them, so they shout out:
"A U!"
Sorry for the double post...
come on guys!
a freaking thread on WoW is stickied, while this one got the axe for lack of interest...
<granted, said sticky lies more in administrative interest than anything else, but still, fuck!>
Don't make me flog this dead horse alone!
Bad Jokes forever!! woo!
Here's a 'Mongoose original:
What do you call Jewish people around the holidays?
A Menorah-ty!
come on guys!
a freaking thread on WoW is stickied, while this one got the axe for lack of interest...
<granted, said sticky lies more in administrative interest than anything else, but still, fuck!>
Don't make me flog this dead horse alone!
Bad Jokes forever!! woo!
Here's a 'Mongoose original:
What do you call Jewish people around the holidays?
A Menorah-ty!
A nurse from England was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker
entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a Mohawk, a variety of
tattoos and strange clothing. It was determined that the patient had acute
appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that
her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading: "Keep off
the grass."
After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing,
which said: "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a Mohawk, a variety of
tattoos and strange clothing. It was determined that the patient had acute
appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that
her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading: "Keep off
the grass."
After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing,
which said: "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Turbo. Targa. Life.
SupraMania Shirt Slinger!
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs w hen you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM. The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production l line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..." "Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..." "Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
A husband and wife decided they needed to use "a code" to indicate
that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in
on it. They decided on the word "typewriter."
One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your
mommy that daddy needs to type a letter." The child told her
mom what her dad said and her mother responded, "Tell your daddy
that he can't type a letter right now because there's a red
ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father
what mommy had said.
A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he
can type that letter now."
The child told her father, and then returned to
her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter,
he already wrote the letter by hand."
that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in
on it. They decided on the word "typewriter."
One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your
mommy that daddy needs to type a letter." The child told her
mom what her dad said and her mother responded, "Tell your daddy
that he can't type a letter right now because there's a red
ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father
what mommy had said.
A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he
can type that letter now."
The child told her father, and then returned to
her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter,
he already wrote the letter by hand."
Turbo. Targa. Life.
SupraMania Shirt Slinger!
well at least someone likes my jokes : ) I am how ever sad that i am no longer a sticky
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Several men are in the locker room of a golf country club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked"
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're only asking $950,000"
MAN: "Well, go ahead and make them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....
He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?" :icon_evil
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked"
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're only asking $950,000"
MAN: "Well, go ahead and make them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....
He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?" :icon_evil
A little girl walks into her parents' bathroom and notices for the First time, her father's nakedness.
Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she doesn't have. She asks, "What are those round things hanging there, daddy?"
Proudly, he replies, "Those, sweetheart, are God's Apples of Life.
Without them we wouldn't be here."
Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells her what daddy has said.
To which mommy asks, "Did he say anything about the dead branch they're hanging from?"
Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she doesn't have. She asks, "What are those round things hanging there, daddy?"
Proudly, he replies, "Those, sweetheart, are God's Apples of Life.
Without them we wouldn't be here."
Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells her what daddy has said.
To which mommy asks, "Did he say anything about the dead branch they're hanging from?"