mcpcola's daily (or not so daily) joke thread

[92turbo4life]

roflmao joe

snowmongoose that is fuckin awesome..ok heres two

theres a guy in malasia that just got into the army and needs to do combat but he doesnt know how to count without using his fingers....
so he asked the general what to do. the general gives him a garnade and tells him pull the pin, count to ten and throw it.. so the guy pulls the pin and with one hand he count 1 2 3 4 5 puts the garnade inbetween his legs and finishes the ten... ":its funnier when your dad tells you it and does lthe motion with a coke bottle"


ok heres one but you have to think of what is happening in your head

another army recruiter is going around to other soldiers trading cigars for there guns. so he gets a soldier trades him the stuff and the soldier asks what do i do if we get into another fight. the man replies act like you are holding a gun and make the noises. so the enemy comes and he starts trying to act like he is shooting and when he relizes it doesnt work he runs over to the airfield jumps on a friends back and they run down the runway


it was fuckin halarious in person but otherwise you got to have an immagination...lol

 

[Turbo. Targa. Life.]

adam that was LAME-O!!! The first one was decent, but the second one sucks!!

 

[92turbo4life]

hey imve been working since 8 and bored leave me alone...lol

 

[SnowMongoose]

Anyone know the difference between a tribe of african pygmies and a girls cross country team?

One's a group of cunning runts.

 

[Topher E]

:biglaugh: :biglaugh:
Thats a keeper!

Anyone know the difference between a tribe of african pygmies and a girls cross country team?

One's a group of cunning runts.

So two guys are out on a golf course. They spot some women who are also playing, one of the men says, well ill go over there and ask them if we can paly through. So he gets about half way there and comes running back and sides behind the golf cart. The other guys asks him why he did that to which the first man replys, " i cant go over there its my old lady and some bitch in fucking." So the second guy goes over and also get about half way over and comes running back and slides behind the golf cart and says to the first guy, "dude, me too!"

 

[Troyota]

^ that's good...what would you do in that situation?

*The Midget w/ a Lisp*

So, this guy is trying to sell one of his horses. He puts an ad out in the Classified section of the local newspaper. A couple days later he gets a call.

"Hello," the guy says.

"Hewo thir. I am cawwing about the horse you have fow sale. I would wike to come by and see it if that would be aw white."

"Sure, that would be fine," replied the guy, "how's tomorrow afternoon sound?"

"That would be gweat thir. I feew I should gib you a descwiption of mysewf so you know when I get thewe. You see thir, I am a Midget, and I talk wif a lisp."

So, the next day the guy gets a ring at his doorbell. He looks through the peep hole and doesn't see anybody there. So he opens the door. Standing there is a Midget.

"Hewo thir, I am the one who cawd yestewday about the horse."

"Sure, it's out back in the pen. Let's go check it out."

So, they go out back to check out the horse. After a quick walk around of the horse the midget requests.

"This is gweat thir. But if you don't mind, I'd wike to wook at hew eyes. I'm too showt if you don't mind picking me up."

The guy picks up the midget so he can look into it's eyes. When he's done he puts the midget down.

"Wow, that's gweat thir," says the Midget, "I hab another wequest, would you be abow to wift me up so I may wook in hew eaws."

A bit annoyed the guy picks up the midget and lets him look into the horses ears.

"Thank you vewwy much thir," said the Midget, "Now I just hab one more question."

"What now?" the guy said, his patients beginning to wane.

"Well thir, If it wouwdn't be too much twouble. I'd wike to see hew twat."

Very annoyed the guy picks up the midget. He sticks his head up the horses vagina, pulls him out and sets him down. Wiping his face the Midget says.

"Thank you vewwy much thir, but I feew I should wefwase mythewf. If it wouwdn't be too much twouble. I'd wike to see hew wun awound a bit."

 

[jbsupra89t]

Grandpa and Grandson are fishing, not catching anything for a few hours so the grandpa pulls out a beer, cracks it open and takes a big swig.

"Ahhh. Now this right here is what it's all about."

"Grandpa can I have some?"

"Well can your dick touch your ass?"

"No."

"Well that means you're not old enough, sorry."

Time goes by, then the grandpa takes out a cigarette and lights up, takes a drag and says, "This right here, this is what life is all about."

"Grandpa can I have one?"

"Well, can your dick touch your ass?"

"No."

"well you're still not old enough, sorry."

Disappointed, the kid goes to his lunch and takes out a big sandwich. Ham, salami, cheese, etc. Takes a big bite and smiles. Grandpa notices and says to him,

"Hey that looks good can I have some?"

"Well grandpa, can your dick touch your ass?"

"Actually, yes."

"Great then go fuck yourself, grandma made me this get your own."

The End.

 

[csr ma71]

Whenever girls say, "I knew he had a reputation as a womanizer but I thought I'd be different because he told me that he had changed"

 

[csr ma71]

What do you call a musician who just broke up with his girlfriend?

Homeless

 

[Anomili]

What was the first one?

Edit: Still waiting for the punchline...

 

[mcpcola]

A husband desperate to end an argument offers to buy is wife a new car.
She curtly declines his offer by saying, "That's not quite what I had in mind."
Frantically he offers her a new house.
Again she rejects his offer, "That's not quite what I had in mind."
Curious, he asks: "What did you have in mind?"
She retorts, "I'd like a divorce."
He answers, "I hadn't planned on spending quite that much."

 

[Nick M]

Know why Jesus wasn't born in Michigan? Three wiseman and a virgin could not be found.

 

[smokey]

lol @ the jesus joke

how do you turn a dish washer into a gardener? put a shovel in the bitches hand

 

[MDCmotorsports]

Did you hear about the pope?

He caught the birdflu...










Found out he was hanging around too many cardnals.

 

[NDBoost]

Error 404
Funny Not Found

Keeping a HG in the back of the supra is like keeping a condom in your wallet. It may not be tonight but you will need it sooner or later.

and by keeping the condom in your wallet its going to spring a leak..

just like a headgasket..

 

[forcefedsupra]

Wife says: Can I get a boob job?
Husband says: That's too expensive, just rub some toilet paper between them.
Wife: Will that make them bigger?
Husband: Well, it worked on your ass.

 

[NDBoost]

Wife says: Can I get a boob job?
Husband says: That's too expensive, just rub some toilet paper between them.
Wife: Will that make them bigger?
Husband: Well, it worked on your ass.

oh my god its screech!

 

[OneJoeZee]

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. And the bear says to the rabbit, "do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies, "No."

So the bear whiped his ass with the rabbit.

The End.

aight peace :chicken:

 

[forcefedsupra]

An old couple are going to bed. They sleep in the same room but on separate twin beds. The husband feels a little frisky so he invites his wife to his bed for some love. As she walks to his bed, she trips over a rug and falls. The husband reacts with tenderness and promises to make it all better. After they make love, she heads back to her bed and trips over the rug again. The husband says "You clumsy bitch!"

 

[OneJoeZee]

hey awesome. I already said this joke in the thread already. :-\

oh well