I have a warrant out for me? I don't suppose we have any lawyers here....

[DsBetterHalf]

Yeah.....I kind of need the cable though...it's a bundle package, with my phone and internet. And seeing as I have the Honda, the truck, and the turbo all listed on the internet, with my home phone number to call *as my cell phone has been shut off and is all the way at the bottom of my priorities list* I need to be able to check emails and have phone service. I WILL be talking to my roommates today about cutting off the actual TV portion of it. I never watch TV, it's only for the kiddo, but we have plenty of movies she can watch, and she made do with basic cable before they moved in with us. There will also be some discussion about my paying 1/2 of it, when I am only 1 person, compared to their 2.5. I am hardly home at this point, and when I am, I spend most of it sleeping. I don't see why I can't pay 1/3 of it instead. Seems more fair to me. So we'll see how things go later this afternoon with it.

In the meantime, it's my bedtime. I'll get back on later before I leave for work.

 

[gaboonviper85]

Ok, stop and think.

Prioritize your bills in the order of necessity.

You don't need cable TV. Cut the son of a bitch off.

Credit cards (especially if they are maxed out), you don't need either.

1. You need to get to work. (Car payments/car insurance)
2. You need a roof over your head. (Rent)
3. You need water.
4. You need to eat.
5. You need electric.

Everything else is optional.

Not to slap you when you are feeling down, but paying that cable bill was damned fucking stupid and is a fucked up way to prioritize.

Don't look at what's making the most noise today. Fuck bill collectors, they will wait.

You concentrate on those 5 things above, and forget everything else.

You'll get through it, and you let John clean up the mess when he gets out.

He's getting fed, watered and sheltered, he's fine. Take him off the list of things to worry about.

5 things. Focus on them.

Your anxiety will back off some as well. You aren't doing yourself any good if you wind up hospitalized.

dude just laid down the fuckin law!!!

i can attest to this....pay the cars bills and insurnace is top priority being number 1.....car provides shelter and needed transportation in a shtf situation which i really hope doesnt happen to you!

really wish i lived near you so you could kick out the other dead beat roomies and id move in and help out.....then kick dowards ass when he gets out. lol

hang in there chief.....shit gets hard....but it does get better!

 

[ForcedTorque]

I would classify Mike's post as "Tough Love"! It sounded kinda pointed, but it IS Dead On. He is trying to help, not degrade.

He didn't "lay down the fuckin law", it was just a guide to get you through the tough situation.

Laura, you are selling things off and doing without already. Cable would be minor if you are never home anyway. Hang in there, and try your best to stick to what Mike said. It's under 3 weeks, and he will be out.

 

[Poodles]

See if you can get another temporary roommate to help with the bills too?

 

[drunk_medic]

I hate to sound harsh, but here's my thought on this, concerning John:

He made his bed, he needs to sleep in it. He's the one who fucked up, and now everyone else in this house is paying for it. I don't think he deserves a vacation or a break when he gets back....I think he needs to work his ass off, just like I have been doing, to help pay back everything I have had to borrow or fore-go while he has been locked up. If he had been more careful, this wouldn't have happened, or would have happened on OUR terms (i.e. getting the bills caught up, then turning himself in and making it look good).

Instead of doing what his attorney advised, he did almost everything he was told NOT to do. So now I have had to sell quite a few of our personal belongings, some of which were mine and should not have had to go (such as my Maverick and my Wii) to cover his ass. He left me with bills that were, at best, a month behind, some were/are almost 3 months late (these would be credit card bills, but they can still be damaging in the long run).

So maybe I'm a little bitter on this, but I don't think he deserves a vacation after this.

I cannot believe how much of this slipped by me. I had not checked this thread in awhile, because last time I read it things seemed like they were being sorted out. So much can happen in a little over a month!
From reading this and some of the other posts, I can tell that you are a good woman to your man. Many women these days would just cut and run in this situation. You seem to have your head on straight. I hope that your sacrifices bring you two even closer together once this situation is all done with. You are working hard, doing everything you can do to help the situation - but you are having a hard time.
Financial, life, and work stress can mount together to really mess you up. I know first hand what anxiety in a situation like that can do. It may prove difficult, but the next time you are starting to feel an anxiety attack coming on, or you are starting to feel "weird", try controlling your breathing. Take a slow breath in for 5 seconds, and then out for 5 seconds. Anxiety is often a fight-or-flight response that your body has to something that is truly not life threatening. Your pupils may dilate, breathing and heart rate increase, you may get stomach discomfort from acid building up, vision may seem out of focus. You may unknowingly be breathing so quickly that all of the extra oxygen makes you light-headed. When I was under all of these stresses, I had many anxiety attacks. I gained some control over them with the breathing exercises, but it does not cure them fully. In time, I changed my job and straightened my financial situation out. It took roughly 2 years. Now I still have attacks once in awhile, but I am able to push through and it only happens in certain situations rather than me just feeling panicked because I started thinking about the things that are stressing me.
I do not know if this will help you any, but I thought I would try to help because it is hard trying to do things on your own. I had my wife with me, me "safe person", when I was going through my toughest times. I cannot fully imagine how hard this is for you, but the human spirit will carry you through this. Basically, you MUST survive. Keep your chin up, keep sane and hopefully the next few weeks will pass by quickly and without incident.
After all of the hardships, and the anger and love you feel for that man, you guys are going to have some crazy, angry, lovey, probably better than makeup sex.
Best of luck to you both.

 

[DsBetterHalf]

After all of the hardships, and the anger and love you feel for that man, you guys are going to have some crazy, angry, lovey, probably better than makeup sex.

We've already requested that the roommates and the kiddo vacate the house for the day he comes home....mad, crazy-ass monkey sex is the name of the game that day!!

 

[Mk3runner]

wow. mad, crazy-ass monkey sex... haha, well put!

 

[starscream5000]

Just read the thread... All I can think of is :nono:

I'm in a similar situation, fiance doesn't like working, quit her job, I'm the one left to pay the bills, plus a little one on the way. I feel for you.

At least they are feeding and sheltering him, I have to feed and shelter mine on my own, and I "make too much" to qualify for food stamps, but yet she qualifies for a medical card because "we're not married".

Anyways, sorry to thread jack, just sympathizing

 

[Mk3runner]

no thread jack just to relate, but my gf works a min wage job and has a screwed up back.. she needs a new job and to get her schooling done. point is I'm all for taking care of others just I keep in mind I won't hold their hand forever they have to learn to walk sometime.

DsBetterHalf, this is his reality check. not saying he needs his nuts cut and work a dead end job but he needs this as a don't get locked up again thing or at least don't get caught.

that crazy monkey shit is still in my mind somehow I found that pretty funny.

 

[BlackSS]

dude just laid down the fuckin law!!!

i can attest to this....pay the cars bills and insurnace is top priority being number 1.....car provides shelter and needed transportation in a shtf situation which i really hope doesnt happen to you!

really wish i lived near you so you could kick out the other dead beat roomies and id move in and help out.....then kick dowards ass when he gets out. lol

hang in there chief.....shit gets hard....but it does get better!

I got nothing against ya man, but just be careful of what you say about people without knowing the whole story. Laura is in some hards times and is ranting and raving, and might be saying things she doesn't mean to say in a fit of rage. Like, she has neglected to mention the part of the "dead beat roomates" have already tapped into their child's savings account to help pay. These people didn't ask for this. They are friends of the family, and now roommates. Laura is John's husband.....she's a little more involved with this then they want/have to be. Put yourself in their shoes....would you stick around? Well they are and THEY HAVE PAID a whole lot of money already. The guy has a wife and a kid to support....and now has this thrown on him too. HE doesn't HAVE to give up his lifestyle for this....he can walk out. But....he's staying and helping when he can. They are both friends of mine. I've kept quit until now. This uneeded bashing of the "deadbeat roommates" needs to stop, until Laura fulfills the complete information of just how much they've paid so far. Then....if you feel like they still haven't done enough for something they don't have to......bash away if you wish.

 

[IJ.]

Always 2 sides to every story.

 

[DsBetterHalf]

........THEY HAVE PAID a whole lot of money already..............This uneeded bashing of the "deadbeat roommates" needs to stop, until Laura fulfills the complete information of just how much they've paid so far. Then....if you feel like they still haven't done enough for something they don't have to......bash away if you wish.

Not that it's really any of your business, but here ya go. Details for ya. They helped me pay last month's rent, and that's it. Nothing else. They have loaned me $250 so far. They are helping me with this month's rent, simply because they don't have a choice. If they don't help me with it, then it's not getting paid. My share of rent is $525, and I currently have $280 to my name. $20 of that has to get me insulin, which is a non-negotiable thing. My health comes first and foremost...if I don't take the insulin, I ain't doing anything else, since I'll be in the hospital.

I understand that they have their own bills to pay, outside of household bills, but I don't see why they are "broke" when their bills add up to nothing near mine. They have car insurance, and prescription costs, and stuff for around the house (i.e. baby stuff and food), as well as feeding gas into his monster of a truck. Unlike them, I don't have the option to call a family member and say "sorry, I can't make the truck payment for awhile, I'll let you know when I can." I have two car payments, car insurance, and all of this shit I still have to ship off for John before people demand refunds through paypal (since that would seriously overdraw my bank account and make things that much worse). And I, too, have stuff around the house to pay for, gas and groceries and whatnot.

And really, BlackSS, I didn't have to stay here, either, when I knew I wouldn't make enough money to cover the bills. I could very well have taken my mom up on her offer to come stay with her, where all I would have to pay would be gas to and from work (I could transfer to a store closer to her, so it wouldn't be all that much), and then the car payments and car insurance. I wouldn't have to worry about rent, electric, cable, or even really groceries or household "stuff." I'm too nice of a person to just screw my roommates over something that isn't their fault.

So yes, I'm pissed off and I'm ranting, but I feel I'm within my rights to. If they are so broke that they are having a hard time helping me with rent this month, then why the hell did he buy a bike? Please keep in mind that I don't tell you everything before you get all defensive on their behalf.

 

[gaboonviper85]

just say fuck them and move in with your mom.....i think you learned who your true friends are threw this....and they arent it!!!!!! take care of yourself cause thats the most important person (yourself!)!!! if you dont absolutly have to be in this situation then get the heck out girl. screw them and the jackass's they rode in on!

gotta admitt you make a badass girlfriend.....but you need to think about yourself for awhile.

 

[DreamerTheresa]

just say fuck them and move in with your mom.....i think you learned who your true friends are threw this....and they arent it!!!!!!

None of this drama is the responsibility of the roommates. Why should they be screwed over, too?

Especially if there's a rent contract. Lara could be responsible for the rent payment regardless.

 

[Facime]

seems to me everyone involved should take a step back and decide what is right and fair...

and those not involved directly should stay the fuck out of it. I dont see how taking sides is going to help anyone.

 

[gaboonviper85]

None of this drama is the responsibility of the roommates. Why should they be screwed over, too?

Especially if there's a rent contract. Lara could be responsible for the rent payment regardless.

yeah i suppose....shes stuck between a rock and a hard place i guess

damnit!

 

[tissimo]

None of this drama is the responsibility of the roommates. Why should they be screwed over, too?

Especially if there's a rent contract. Lara could be responsible for the rent payment regardless.

+1 its not their fault for any of it. Giving anything at all is above and beyond anything that is necessary.

why do you have 2 car payments, sell those cars and buy a $200 beater. As SupraCentral said, cut everything. You can check your email at the library if needed. Get a prepaid phone and for a phone number. If your roomates need cable or internet, tell them that you simply can not pay any of it and they'll have to pay for it them selfs if they need it. Its not fair to them, but its the way it has to be.

I'm late to this thread, but whats up with the lawyer? I didn't go back all the way through the thread, but it started 4 months ago, so hes had a lawyer for 2-3 months before he gets nabbed for being a jackass. Now the lawyer can do nothing cause he (doward) didn't do what the lawyer said? and he threw away all the money that these people of SM donated to him. Wow is all I can say for that. If he hasn't sold his supra yet/parts yet I sure hope to see a part out thread after this to catch your selfs back up, pay people back, and what not...

 

[Supracentral]

Folks, not for nothing, but Laura has been posting here to vent, and to pick up the occasional word of advice.

Turning this into a flame war isn't going to help. So please take a step back, a deep breath, and try to limit your comments to constructive ones.

---

Laura, you've got to cover your own ass when it comes down to it. If your roommates aren't carrying 1/2 the burden, then your obligation to them is over.

While you are correct that they don't need to suffer for Dowards mistakes, they also shouldn't watch you drown in it. If they are willing to do that, you owe them nothing. If they have money for "extras", they have the money to go find a place to live.

They may not owe you anything, but you don't owe them turning yourself into a sacrificial lamb. It's a hard world, and if you don't watch out for your own ass, nobody else will either. If I've learned anything in this life, it's that you've got to be responsible for yourself before you can worry about anyone else.

Take your mom up on the offer, salvage what you have left possession wise and start figuring out how to rebuild what's gone, and live the rest of your life.

If you continue to sacrifice yourself for people who obviously don't give two flying shits about you (as you said, they have no choice or they wouldn't do anything), you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

Doward may have dealt you a shitty hand of cards to play, but there's a point when it's time to fold and go home with what you have left.

That's my $.02 plus interest, your mileage may vary, etc.

 

[DsBetterHalf]

I am taking my Ion to Saturn tomorrow, apparently people are looking for the Redlines, and Saturn can sell it. If I can get them to pay off what I owe on it, I won't have the car (or payment) after tomorrow. If I get rid of the Ion, that's almost $400/month that I'll be saving, between the car payment and insurance not being so high.

I tried doing that with John's truck, but I can't find a buyer for it. The dealers around here don't have a market for trucks, everyone wants cheap cars that get great gas mileage. And while the truck gets about 22 mpg, that's great for a truck...but not for a normal vehicle. I've had a few offers from dealers, but the best I got was $7500, and we still owe $9400 on it. I need to at least break even, it doesn't make sense to sell the truck for less than what is owed on it.

I'm still trying to see our 88 Accord, but the sad fact is that nobody really has the money to buy anything currently, with the economy. Had a few offers, but nobody has actually followed through on them.

As for the attorney....getting rather irate. I don't care if one of the members on here is engaged to our attorney's newest employee...I think it is the biggest load of bullshit. Doward has been in jail for what, 5 weeks now? Not a single fucking word from the attorney. Not a letter, not a visit, jack squat. I haven't heard from the attorney in like 2 or 3 weeks, when he told me he would send a letter to John to give him an update. Nothing as of yet. Starting tomorrow morning, I will be calling every damn day until I get a phone call back. John and I both want an itemized list of what exactly the $1500 went to. I have a hard time seeing him racking up a $1500 bill for phone calls and stamps to mail letters over the last 3 months.

I know a lot of things are going to change in 2 weeks when Doward gets out. There are going to be some words said when he comes home. At this point, I'm not really mad at him anymore...just the situation. And after talking with him today, if he does what he was talking about, then things are going to be doing a complete 180 before the end of the year.

In the meantime, I'm going to bed. It looks like I might actually be able to get a full 8 hours of sleep tonight, the first full night of sleep in almost a week and a half. I will post tomorrow when I have more info/news.

 

[87nasupra]

Hang in there kid, your doing great. Thoughts and prays are with you and John.