I bought a new clutch slave and pulled the trans back out.
The old slave was dripping in brake fluid. I bolted in the new slave and started to throw everything back together, but couldn't shake a nagging question: "Why did it fail?"
I tore down the old slave to see how it works. Then I re-attached it to the clutch line and draped it over the fender. Skeet skeet.
I wanted to say "busted seal" and be done with it, but that's not what happened. Turns out my flywheel puts the clutch closer to the engine than in the stock 5 cylinders. The clutch slave was just barely reaching the clutch. Once I tried to bleed it, it over extended and did what you saw in the video, only inside the bellhousing.
So I didn't really need a new slave, but I used the old one to make a spacer for the new one. Expensive, but it works.