Bad Jokes? OH SNAP!

e90suprat

Mechanically challenged
May 8, 2005
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Douglasville, GA
A 3rd grade teacher asks her students to use the word definately in a sentence, the first child replies "i will definately do my homework tonight" The teacher says "good job, anyone else?" The next child says "I definately love my mommy" and the teacher again says "good job!" Then the class wise-ass raises his hand and asks "Teacher, do farts have lumps?" to which the teacher replies "no, farts do not have lumps" Then the child says " Then I have definately just shit my pants"
 

exander

Anything but Lurker
May 23, 2006
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Why did the moron tip-toe passed the medicine cabinet?









He didn't wanna wake the sleeping pills.



Why did the moron throw the clock out of the window?






Because he wanted to see time fly.








Why do elephants paint their toenails red?









To hide in cherry trees?
Part II: Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?












See how well it works.
 

Clip

The Magnificent Seven
Oct 16, 2005
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so the children come in from recess and the teacher asks johnny what he did during that time. he replied "i played in the sandbox with sally". the teacher says, "very good, if you can go to the board and write sandbox, i'll give you a cookie."

next, the teacher turns to sally and asks what she did. "i built a sand castle with johnny," she says. "excellent," the teacher says, "if you can go to the board and write sand castle, ill give you a cookie."

lastly, the teacher turns to tyrone and asks him "tyrone, what did you do during recess?" "i tried to play in the sandbox with johnny and sally, but they threw sand on me because i was black". "what? thats blatant racial discrimination!" the teacher exclaims. "if you can go to the board and write blatant racial discrimination, ill give you a cookie"
 

shaeff

Kurt is FTMFW x2!!!!
Staff member
Super Moderator
Mar 30, 2005
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so a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel tied to his pants. a waitress walks up to him and states: "sir, you have a steering wheel tied to your pants..."

the pirate replies:
















"arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! it's drivin' me nuts!"

haha. i love that one.

-shaeff
 

Supracentral

Active Member
Mar 30, 2005
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threadsucks.jpg
 

MDCmotorsports

Offical SM Expert: Turbochargers
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Mar 31, 2005
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So Tiger woods is driving his big Cadilac in the middle of BFE when his gas light comes on.

So he finds the nearest two pump gas station and pulls in.

An old cranky man steps from behind the building.

"Top of the morning to ya. What can I get ya?"

"Fill it up please."

"K. I see you got a nice shiney truck there MR."

"Yeah, I only use the best wax and Cadilac only uses the best paint."

"I see you got all sorts of gadgets in the cab there too..."

"Yeah my sponsor says I can never get lost. Cadilac only uses the best GPS."

"I see you got all sorts of fancy leather on them there seats too...."

"Yup. Cadilac only uses the best leather, but its imported from Brazil just for me."

**CLICK GOES THE GAS PUMP***

"$69.50 please."

Tiger pulls some cash out of his pocket, and out drops two tees on the floor.

"What be them there sonny?"

"Oh those are there to hold my balls while I drive."

"Damn Cadilac has thought of every thing!"
 

Clip

The Magnificent Seven
Oct 16, 2005
2,738
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Virginia
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?















'cause she's a woman.
 
Last edited:

Clip

The Magnificent Seven
Oct 16, 2005
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Virginia
hahaha. well yeah, i heard somethin about that.

sad thing is her parents punished her for it too:

when she acted up the first time they switched the doorknobs to the other side of the doors.

the next time she acted up they put her in a round room and told her there was a penny in the corner.

the final time, her parents were getting pretty pissed off and just left the plunger in the toilet.
 

exander

Anything but Lurker
May 23, 2006
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Clip said:
hahaha. well yeah, i heard somethin about that.

sad thing is her parents punished her for it too:

when she acted up the first time they switched the doorknobs to the other side of the doors.

the next time she acted up they put her in a round room and told her there was a penny in the corner.

the final time, her parents were getting pretty pissed off and just left the plunger in the toilet.
OOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

exander

Anything but Lurker
May 23, 2006
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colorado
MK3Brent said:
What kind of freaky one knob doors do you have? :confused:
That's not what he meant. They put the knob on the side the hinges are on and switched the hinges to the side the knob was on.
 

Clip

The Magnificent Seven
Oct 16, 2005
2,738
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not again. they switched the doorknobs and the hinges to the opposite sides of the door, allowing the door to open the opposite way from which it once had, thereby completeing their mission to punish helen keller.

do you enjoy picking my jokes apart just to find one incorrect detail?

i mean, damn. i might have to resort to some other genre of joke. perhaps racism is in order...