Vocal uncertainty. the type that makes people sound like they're squeezing out a shit in front of you.
Lunch Trucks (a.k.a. "Roach Coach"): these guys charge $1.50 for a hotdog that's been cooking longer than the one at the back of the machine in your local 711. They charge $1.50 for a can of soda... a CAN!
People who complain about things that cannot be swayed by human powers: Like, the weather. Bitch all you want, it's fucking raining. Oh well.
People who complain about things they have full control over. I.E. their job, where they live, their lack of friends, things they want to change, but don't care enough to actually go do it.
"Fast factory car" owners. Couldn't have said it myself. These people think that their completely stock srt4/evo/sti/cobalt ss can smoke your ___________. Regardless. Case in point: my friend's uncle has an '06 STi. That thing is god's gift to automobiles.
Can it smoke a ferrari?
well, which model?
it doesn't matter. It can beat them all.
point out that it'll go 200+ mph, and he's not swayed. "Well, I'd beat him across that intersection, that's for god damn sure." ok, congratulations. always bringing up the specs that were listed in Car and Driver
Harleys. 90% of these wanna-be badasses are your typical 9-5'er at any given office. These guys are instantly transformed from average Joe to Hell's Angel with the simple addition of a genuine Harley Davidson leather jacket.
The application of a microscopic helmet to their balding skull is the icing on the cake. Nothing is more bad ass than proudly displaying "if it's too loud, then you're too old" and "if you can read this, the bitch fell off" decals on the helmet.
These guys are the ones who have the nerve to go for a ride at any time they please, not thinking twice that they're Harley is equipped with turndowns pointing somewhere away from the motor, terminating inches from the heads. It might be one thing if it sounded good, but it doesn't. It's pure, unfiltered ass sound delivered straight to you whether you like it or not. This brings me to my next point.
People who "bump" their "systems": I, like most warm blooded humans, enjoy music. I enjoy a wide array of music. Anything from Neil Young to FSOL. Minus country, and most rap.. but that's besides the point. I find that even if I like a song that's being "bumped" in traffic, I hate that person. There's no reason that oncoming traffic needs to know what music you're into. I like loud music, but in moderation. Even if I'm in a loud music listening mood, and I turn into a parking lot, I turn it down.
People who don't turn the music down to answer their phone or order food in the drive-thru simply infuriate me.
Truck-Ricers: These are the guys who think their truck is "superior" with all of it's marker lights, lund fiberglass tonneau cover with spoiler tacked to the rear of it, clear taillamps, and generally sporting most of the JCWhitney catalog.
Ricers: die in a fire. the list is far too long, and look how much I wrote about Harleys...
Highway Defenders: Those of whom that feel that the speed limit is 55/65 for a reason, and are infuriated by your passing them. These law-abiding citizens will break an alarming amount of laws to simply prove the point that YOU shouldn't be speeding. They will go to great lengths to get in front of you and keep you behind them, at 55mph, where we all belong. It's their right as a citizen, isn't it? no? exactly. I almost PIT one of these fuckers off into some swamp land because of this.
Dual exhaust on pickups: Straight out the back. Stick with what works. While you're at it, trim up your mullet and clean up the heads on your cassette deck cuz it's a wonderful life.
People who purposefully come up to you as you're just completing a strenuous task, look you in the eye as you're sweating, dirty, tired, and fatigued and ask: "Hey, you want any help?" then snicker
People who swerve to miss a chipmunk/squirrel/frog/insignificant creature only to nearly crash due to it, which would result in 4 human deaths.
"oh but the squirrel lived"
"thank fucking god"
People who stop or swerve to miss puddles. (only excusable if you're in a really nice car)
Last Minute Assholes: These are the guys who will visit you at work at :02 of the hour only to have you either
A: Perform the most menial tasks for little to no benefit
B: Have you look up the most ridiculous of things for them, only for them to say "I'll let you know"
Those of whom that go to a dealer, only to be "shocked" at the price of whatever object they're in need of, and claim that "it's only $x.xx at the junkyard!"
boy, how they get upset when you tell them "Then go to the junkyard. But it's just as old as your broken part. good luck"
People who slow down when they see a cop, regardless: You'll often wonder why the traveling speed of the highway has slowed to a paltry 45mph, then you look, and across 4 lanes of opposing highway travel, there's a police officer, with someone pulled over in the breakdown lane.
JUST FUCKING DRIVE.
Not only is the cop DOING SOMETHING, he's also across the highway on the other side of either Jersey Barriers, or a median. There is NOTHING you can be doing right now, traveling with other motorists that could be worse than that guy did, and even if you are, chances of getting caught by said officer are slim to none.
You know when you're merging onto the highway behind someone, and they brake, and continue braking to almost a standstill, you're busy watching their bumper, but as you come closer to a stop next to 65mph traffic, you wonder why, and there he is. The fellow on the highway who was "nice enough" to let the merging motorists from the on-ramp (you and the gentleman/woman in front of you) has slowed to a near stop, as has the motorist in front of you. Now here you are, stuck in a freeway battle of
"after you"
"oh no no, after you"
"no, but i insist"
"please, after you"
"oh but i couldn't"
"please do, i insist"
"oh no, I insist"
"you're too kind"
"no, you sir, are too kind. please go ahead"
"I simply cannot."
that's all for now.
