Ok, I have to tell you guys about the funniest fatal I've ever worked. (Fatal for the cow and her calf that is.)
This brand new minivan is tooling along at 75mph or so, dark road, middle of nowhere.. and BANG the driver runs right into the ass of this huge pregnant cow!
Hits so hard it sheared off the intake manifold, pushed the cowl and dash back, but did not fire the air bags.. (Not enough decleration to the van.) So, because the van did not slow down very fast, the COW and CALF inside her were acclerated by this huge kick in the ass from the van...
So the guy tells me his story, but the passenger, his wife will not speak to me at all. Just says in the background that she's fine, and does not want to talk about it...
Ok, so I get to the tow yard, and it's about 15 degrees that day.. The guys in the front start laughing and tell me I'm lucky it's so cold..
I pulled around to the back yard, and the van is there, and I can see it was hit pretty much dead center front, and there is a small fist sized hole in the windshield, hood is wadded up slightly, doors don't fit right at the roof/windshield, but I really can't see that well into the van....
Get out, get my camera, clip board, and then I realize it's not tinted windows... It's FULL OF SHIT! OK, laughing till my sides ache, I manage to get the drivers door open, and there is a perfect outline of the guy. Nice and clean leather where he was, but outlined in shit everywhere else, same for his wife who was in the passenger seat.. Oh, more laughs and my sides are really hating me..
There are calf parts, placentia and what I think is the sac, but mostly just cow shit from all 4 stomachs was emptied into the van along with the calf/sac/fluid through a hole about the size of my fist just at the base of the windshield... And a spray pattern that covered everything from that point back! No smell as all of it's pretty much frozen in place...
Ok, next afternoon, I'm settling the total loss on this van, it's not repairable, it would need an engine, firewall and entire interior... LOL and I say to the guy without trying to laugh...
"Looks like you had a pretty crappy day..."
He busts up and says "Yep, but it was worse for my wife.... (And she's in their new truck, glareing at me while he's saying this...) she saw the cow just before we hit it, said "OH SHIT!" and pretty much wished she'd kept her mouth closed... "
Ok, we both bust up laughing, his wife is totally pissed at BOTH of us and I've got a cool story to tell for life