Crazy job stories... Let's hear em!

[black89targa]

Alright so I got a job working at Kroger's to pay for school. I plan to get a better job once I get finished with my last semester, and get the student loan payed off. BUT. I want to hear about funny, crazy, weird, or wack stories you have about your job. Something YOU have experienced.

Like today, I was on lot (Pushing in carts, yes I know but it's money) and the manager comes up to me and asks me to come inside her office. She tells me to be calm, and go outside to a white 4 door car on row 3 to tell the man to leave. I asked "why?" She said he was relieving himself..

So I walk out there, and he's sitting in the car. So I think the guy got done pissing, or whatever he was doing and was about to leave... WRONG.

He was sitting there jacking off, in the middle of the parking lot. I was like WTF?! SIR GET OUT OF HERE NOW!

There's also this guy that stocks in the back we call the caveman. He's old as hell, has a huge beard, and looks like a caveman (no joke). Anyways, I go to get a pallet jack to get a pallet full of bottled water (Shrinkwrapped) off the truck and to bring it in the stockroom.

I go to get the jack from the side of the room and I see the caveman out of the corner of my eye. I'm thinking... fuck... anyways, I barely bump into him, and he SCREAMS at the top of his lungs. Grabs a boxcutter, cuts shrink wrap from the water pallet, and throws them ALL at me (About 36 boxes of 24 bottles). I run for my dear life, while laughing as hard as I can. As I'm running out of the employees only section, I fall from laughing so hard. I'm long gone from him, and barely make it out alive of the (cave)


Any other funny workplace stories? I KNOW you have a few, at least one.
Don't be shy... POST!

 

[Facime]

Back when I was in High school I did a summer as a "box boy" for a grocery store. Oregon has had bottle deposit since long before then and that was one of my jobs, sorting bottles for the various recyclers. I almost cringe when I think how many times I picked up a bottle with pubic hair and "residue" on it. :shudder:

 

[ilikebigbutts]

We once came back from luch only to find the building on fire :3d_frown:

This guy that worked for us was taking a tranny out of a ram truck and didnt disconnect the battery.left the starter hang loose and possitive must of touched the frame and well you know what happened next.

We have since gotten a new roof.It leaks in water, alot.

Also had a crazy costumer threaten to beat the shit out of one of our service advisors.He thought the service advisor was talking shit on him, mean while i was there infront the whole time.He was trying to drag him out when finnaly 4 of got a hold of that dude and threw his ass out lol.

 

[Dunckel]

First job: I worked at a movie theater when I was 16. For any of you young guys looking for a job, I would start there. It was fun, soda was 11 cents, as was popcorn. Movies were free, and the girls that I got to work with were HOT.

Anyway, between sets we had to make popcorn. Two cups of corn kernels, and two presses of the butter made perfect popcorn. I had this hair brained idea, and wondered what would happen if I pressed the butter button...7 times. Well, I did just that, and after what seemed like an eternity, globs of gooey, clumpy, buttery popcorn slowly rolled out of the top of the popper. It was the site of it that was funny, not so much the story.

 

[ms07s]

LOL. Caveman...

My first job was at a Video rental store. It sucked ass, but you know free rentals is win. I was the only employee working with the manager one sunday evening. There was a dance club in the same shopping center and it was "soul" night. This 60ish year old guy stumbles in and drunkenly asks if we have Gone with the wind, I show him. He falls several times and knocks over several things but gets his video and goes back to the club. I asked the manager if we should have let him go off in that condition and he replied, we can always order another video.

Recently at my current horrible job at a Honda dealer we have had a rash of thefts. They don't take the cars, just the doors. So I took a greese marker and wrote BAJA on one and a salesman actualy thought it was a real package.

 

[iHartSupra]

Towed a few cars for "unknown" reasons when I was younger only to get back to the shop and discover the reason the car wouldnt run was that it was out of gas.

Got robbed working at a gas station by a transexual hooker with a hammer. We (myself and two others) manage to subdue he/she. Police arrive moments later. Not until later that night did the police inform us that she was a he. We thought she was just one strong ass woman. Turns out he was a body builder and tweaked at the time. Ridiculous.

Worked at an airport (Flying Cloud Airport, Eden Prairie MN) as a lineman. Was the first to respond to a crash...ended up pulling both pilot and co from the aircraft (Piper Archer iirc) only moments before fire spread from tire to wings...100LL burns like a mofo.

Definitely have more, but not enough booze to tell the stories.

 

[aye mate]

The lady we took to the hospital today kept asking me who all the people in the back of the ambulance were...it was just me, her and the driver...yea she was hallucinating

 

[dok33]

I worked in a pharmacy in my small town one summer, have tons of stories...

The manager was a moron and hired her ex-BF who had just gotten out of jail as Asst manager, more domestic disputes than a trailer park in WVA :biglaugh: The best was the day they got in a huge fight in front of all of us and he stole her car.

It was pretty boring at times, we used to amuse ourselves by super gluing change to the floor and then watching people try to pick it up. We'd start at quarters and work our way down to see how low people would go. Best was a guy that busted out his pocket knife to scrape up a dime.

Were installing shelves one day and needed a drill. Co-worker said he had one at "his" house nearby so I drove him over since I was the only one with a car (see manager story above :biglaugh. We roll up to the house and he goes around back. About 5mins later he bails out a window on the side of the house with no drill and a bag of weed and jumps back in the car. Turns out his mom was a stoner and he swiped her stash not knowing that her BF was home. We hauled ass out of there and then had to explain why we came back without a drill.

Also learned who was doin who at my school, one girl came in with 4 different guys to pick out condoms over the course of the summer. Stayed away from her, LOL. Had a 400+lb guy ask me where the KY Jelly was one day too:cry:

 

[90T04]

I work on RV's. One day I get dispatched a towed in unit, customer complaint: "engine cranks no start, leaking red fluid at front engine area." Well I quickly realized that the red fluid was blood, and the no start was due to cat in fan belt. :barf:

That was the nastiest thing I have seen at work. About an hour of pressure washing before I even attempted to touch anything. (ill leave out the details)

Worst part was there were family photos of the customers family with a cat in them...

 

[Zumtizzle]

Dude walks into my radioshack. Looks around for a few minutes picks stuff up, and picks up an ad, and then proceeds to ask me: "Is this radioshack?"

 

[EdT.Mk3]

I work for the same company as Ed.D(super.secret.supra.club) in a different 'district' of San Diego.. well, in any case, I asked him if I could borrow his truck in moving a table from my main office into a different location. The tabletop if in a box, and the legs are to be screwed on for said table, this is the important thing to keep in mind. We chuck it in the back of the truck and lay it flat. It's fairly heavy for being somewhat thin, so we didn't think much that it would come out. Wrong.

So the tabletop is laying in the back of the truck and we're cruising about 60mph on the freeway.. I look into the back cause I think the wind is actually picking the damn thing up and say:
Me: "Hey, I think it's gonna fly."
Ed.D: "No way it's going to fly, man."
*I look back into the bed of the truck*
2 seconds later, the tabletop transforms from top, to a heavy assed kite that flips into the sky out the truck, and lands flat into the slow late in traffic.
Me: "OH SHIT!"
*Ed.D looks back*
Ed.D: "HAHAHAHA...!!!"

5 minutes later, we put the tabletop back into the bed of the truck and rope over. This isn't until after it gets run over by a few semis, and small vehicles. Strange thing was, it was barely scratched, and some goo gone got rid of any black marks that we thought were embedded in. I thought I was soooooo fired in that matter of minutes.

-Ed.T

 

[DsBetterHalf]

I worked pizza delivery at a small place in Ocala called Snappy Tomato Pizza. My assistant manager was a huge stoner, and would take us all out back and share the wealth. I would come in and not know what to expect some days....several times I came in to find cookies being baked in the oven, LOL.

 

[annoyingrob]

I work at a casino, and could humor you with stories for hours. Usually after hours (2am onwards), all of the main lines are transferred to me, as poker is the only thing open overnight.

I once had a guy call me up, probably 4 in the morning, claiming that he had taken some money out of one of our ATM machines, and that someone was standing next to it, grabbed the money, and ran off.

"Well sir, there isn't really anything I can do about that."

"It's your fault it happened. You should have signs up telling people to be aware of their surroundings. I needed that money!"

"If you would like, you can stop by in the morning and fill out a report with security. We could probably get a picture of the guy"

"I don't have time for that, I have a business to run!"

This conversation went back and forth like this for about 10 minutes before he finally got fed up, and hung up on me. I kid you not, he told me I should put up a sign telling people to be aware of their surroundings. I would question why he was gambling if he "needed" the money, but in my line of work, I've just leaned to accept that.



My favorite phone call was some drunken guy

"Hey, uhhh, I just got a call from this number"

"I wouldn't be able to help you sir, it's a generic outside line. Anyone in the casino could have called you"

"Oh, it must be Ron. You know Ron right?"

(I could name you over 200 employees, none of which are Ron, so it's likely someone playing there)

"Sorry, I don't know a Ron"

"Sure you do, everyone knows Ron! He's tall, funny fellow"

"I don't know a Ron (click)"



We've had several people caught having sex in the washrooms.

We've had several people caught sleeping on the toilet. Sleeping!

We've had several people kicked out because they smell bad.



Had lots of counterfeit money come through too, quite a few funny stories about that. Once this kid (barely 18 years old) brings up a canadian $20 bill from like 1970.

"Is this worth more because it's old?"

My buddy takes a quick look at it, then looks back at the kid

"Actually, it's worth nothing because it's fake"

The kid turned white, and walked away, only to be apprehended by security a few minutes later.



One time, this guy come running out of the washroom covered in blood. Starts yelling "Someone call the cops! There's a guy KO'd in the washroom!" Probably a hundred people just sat there looking at him. "Call the damn cops!". So the cops are called. It turns out, him and some old drunken guy had a little disagreement at one of the tables. When he went to take a piss, the guy followed him in, and grabbed him by the throat in attempt to choke him. Little did he know, the kid was actually an amateur boxer. One punch, and the old man was knocked out cold. He regained consciousness a few minutes later, laying in a pool of blood, with two police officers standing over him.


That's all that I can think up off the top of my head, but there's lots more.

 

[benchwarmer]

I used to work for a school district as a computer technician. Teachers are by far the most technology illiterate demographic in America. I was called into a classroom because a computer wouldn't turn on. So I walk in, push the power button, nothing happens. I look under the table to see if the computer is plugged in and the power strip is PLUGGED INTO ITSELF.

ME "Try it now."

Teacher "It works! Thank you so much, what was it?"

ME "The power strip was plugged into itself."

Teacher "Is that bad?"

ME "Well a power strip just turns one outlet into several outlets. It doesn't make electricity."

Teacher "Oh, really? I thought they called them power strips because the made power."

ME facepalm

 

[mkiiSupraMan18]

^ Science/Physics teacher? *fingers crossed*

 

[benchwarmer]

English, but I have math and science teacher stories aplenty.

 

[SupraMario]

I work ITS at my college and yea...Teachers = brain dead when it comes to computers.

 

[Clueless]

Just last night my psychology teacher was trying to play a few videos tot he class, she couldn't figure out what was wrong...it ended up the computer was on mute.

 

[NgoFcukinWay]

Lol. I've had a teacher call the IT department for help because he couldn't get the projector going because all it would show was a blue screen. So I show up to see what the problem is and notice that the mouse's laser wasn't on. I looked down at the PC only to find out it wasn't on to begin with.

Another admin staff called in asking for help because her monitor was sideways. Someone had tweaked with her desktop earlier and rotated it 90*.

 

[Entropy]

A few years back when I was going to automotive school, I worked at a Nissan dealership. Anyway, its a Saturday, and I've only got about 30 minutes left of work.

So this guy comes in with a 350Z, and he was having some problems with irregular tire wear on the rear. So my boss tells me to go over to used cars to get another 350Z that we had over there, so I could just swap the tires on the two. (It had already been aligned at this point) So I get the key for it, and walk over. Right when I get there, the owner of the dealership (though I didn't know it at the time) walks out and tells me that I need to sweep up in front of the used car place..... Now, this wasn't my job, as I worked in the service department, so I proceeded to tell him this, as nice as I possibly could.

So he reaches out to shake my hand, and then tells me," I don't think we've met... I'm *douchebag*, the owner of this dealership. I'm the one who signs your fucking paychecks." At this point, I'm in shock because I can't believe what I just heard, lol. As he's walking away, he then added, "Sometimes you kids forget who you're dealing with."

That was my best one, but I've got way more than that, lol.