Zero compression happens if a piston has massive hole, totally smashed rings, a valve is burnt beyond recognition, or a valve is simply stuck open.
Given that the motor sat for 8 years, I was betting that a valve had frozen open.
Definitely didn't want to pull the head, so I hoped that a little bit of Marvel Mystery Oil might have some magic in it for the old lump.
So I pulled the intake manifold and exhaust manifold and hosed the cylinders with Marvel Mystery Oil (which many people say is just ATF)
I think it worked. I let that all sit a few days, re-assembled and went for a drive.
Still lots of smoke, engine seemed to be shaking still. But I got out onto the road and the car drove better, smoother.
I went to the Naval base on Alameda island and used Sea Foam in the engine.
After that, everything seemed to run really well
I got to drive around for 30 mins and all was well. Oil pressure good, coolant temps steady.
The car feels really fast too! Spins the tires through first gear! Makes a great noise.
Except for the exhaust leak, and the exhaust pipe banging around on everything. Major bummer. Needs to go back to the shop to get fixed.
Oh well. One thing at a time.