here are birds short stories from the tavern compiled into one thread
bird, from now on...post em here
"LOL My drunk text to faye: "Du king Shawn got my drunk lol good thing auto correct is active ot I won't nkbt sense lol. Damb it s been a while sense i drank anything lol. Sorry if i'm waking you up lol m. Fucking gekl can't spell lol. Cutie fage got work in morning. Laaaaaame!! hahahaha sorry"
.....I decided that i will drink and text more often now lol"-bird
"hahah you has hat! I kinda like sfhe idea of that having my own bake for turbo broples. Bahaha"-bird
" Bit suay don't use nitrollk that shit vacd for toror. Just built motor is terad of nos
Nos is for fagab. Build motor!
Haha sorry drunk lahaga
Fukjet you ass hat lol "-bird
Aight so I got bored of waiting for Princess Faye to reply so I started making these stories for her daily. Mainly its focused on events that have happened while in the group but I do throw in random parts. I'm posting some of these up because fuck it that's why
The skit starts when ibwas texting Faye and didn't hear back from her for a few ours ( yes I know she's busy shut uuuuuuup )
-There was silence...not a sound "what has happened to the princess?!?" The slave pondered as he stared at his dark black horse named Midknight. "I hope no evil has fallen upon her!" MidKnight shutters and kicks gently at the ground. "Thou wish me to ride upon thee? Alright my love lets ride!". The young slave on his noble steed run through the mountains to Sir Shawn and tell the tale of the missing princess- To be continued....
-The slave raced to the mountains of sir Shawn. As he neared he heard.." Halt! Who goes there?!". The slave slowed MidKnight. " I have word that the Princess is missing and that you would be a great partner to help find her!" Sir Shawn looks and smiles at the slaves steed. " You have great taste in steed! Looks like we have the same breed of power!" Sir Shawn points to his steed. It looked exactly like MidKnight but was white. An albino sister of MidKnight. Soon Sir Shawns wife appeared. "My love if you are going out please pick up a new starter for my work horse!" This woman is known as Yevette...named close to a type of battle ship of some sort. "I will my darling! Please bring in the fresh chicken eggs and prepare a grand fiesta for when I return with my comrades!". Fiesta?!?! - To be continued....
-The slave and Sir Shawn raced through the forest " Sir what is your name?" Asked Sir Shawn. " I am but a slave, I have no name." Sir Shawn says " Nonsense! A man needs a name! Hmmm" Sir Shawn looks around and spots a Raven in the tree. "How about Bird?" The slave looks confused "Why would I be called bird?" Sir Shawn shrugs " I dono....saw it....thought it....named it I mean you." The slave sighs " Bird it is then..."- To be continued.....
- Bird and Sir Shawn head to a nearby cave before sun down. As they ride they hear a sound that jumps up in tone. "....That can't be what I think it is." Bird says. Sir Shawn replys " O Fiddle sticks!! " The 2 men are surrounded by multi colored steeds with what appears to be war paint on the side of each one of them. The steeds would breath abnormally loud and run faster in spurts. All of then were different colors and each man had a shinny chrome mask on. Bird and Sir Shawn look at eatchother and yell. " V-TECERS!!!" -......to be continued.
- Bird and Sir Shawn pushed their steeds to the limit to escape the V-Tec bandits. Midknight was a bit faster than Sir Shawns Albino queen and took lead. But something was wrong.... "Bird your steed is putting off a horrid stench!" just as Sir Shawn mentioned that MidKnight began to lift her tail as poop sprayed from her ass all over Sir Shawn. Bird cried out " Damn! She blew a gasket!"....To be continued.
-We return with MidKnights ass violently flapping, Sir Shawn throwing up from being covered in poo, and Bird laughing hysterically. One of the V-tecs on a mini steed that had a badge that read S2000 yells out " My name is Paul! I'm a friend! Fallow me to safety!" Bird and Sir Shawn look at each other and yell ".....FUCK IT!" The 3 exit the forest and enter a well lit cave. As soon as they are in Paul yells "NOW!!" Right then a group of riders with the crest PacNW show up out of the shadows. The V-Tec bandits stop, do a full 180 and retreat. Bird said " PacNW?!? I thought you were all just a legend!" One of the riders on a Blue steed jumps off " No we are real! Just as real as my boobs you sexy chocolate man!" Bird and Sir Shawn look at each other and smile as they wait for the rider to remove her helmet. "The name is Villyan" Bird and Sir Shawns smiles dissipate and turn into looks of disgust as the riders helmet comes off to reveal that the woman is actually a transvestite. "But you 2 can call me the Guv Na " - ....to be continued.
-Mini short story time!- These are just random moments in the actual story that have nothing to do with what's going on... As I am having writers block and don't give to much effort until the next installment.
Bird had decides to try a new crave that started rising in the lands. It was called PIZZA. He entered the HUT that was making them and ordered. The cheese disk was good and satisfied him so he decided to fall asleep to some porn. " Are you done with us now?" said the female porn star. "I paid $9.99 from Sir Shawns wallet without him realizing it so no.....continue" said Bird. As the sexy time continued, Bird soon fell asleep. But was awoken around 2 FUCKING AM BY MY STOMACH. Sorry..... So Bird ran to the nearest out house. " O god I think I know how MidKnight feels!" There was a loud rumble and a scream. Hours later Bird was found passed out on the floor with his intestine in the toilet bowl. Moral of the story, fuck pizza hut and their food poison products. - End of the Cheezy peezy squeezy -
-Short story time pt2-
Bird laid in bed. The end
-End of I don't have any material still-
-Bird returned from his near death experience. " How long was I out?" he asked Sir Shawn. "Good god sir you were out for 2 weeks! The blast from your bowels caused an epidemic! Many have fallen sick and others fled looking for fresh air. The king him self named the disease YOU caused!". Bird was saddened and embarrassed by the news. "....What did he call it?". Sir Shawn was hesitant to tell bird. "Sir Shawn...what did he call it?" Sir Shawn took a deep breath. "The King received word of what had happened and by who.....so he decided to call it the Black Plaque." Bird dropped his face into his own hands. "Fuck....". Sir Shawn was shocked and surprised. "Bird you have been unconscious for 2 weeks how do you know about the Fornication Under Command of the King?" Bird's eyes widen and gets angry. " Wait what?!?! I missed that as well?!?!!!!" -To be continued -
-A messenger wearing a homemade gas suit appears in front of Bird and Sir Shawn "You must be Bird! Here is a letter for you." Bird was confused. Sir Shawn asks "How does thou knowith of Mc Birdy Boom Boom?" Bird punches Sir Shawns arm ( Shawn I can see you actually being this character by the way ) The messenger laughs. " Everyone knows Bird of the Black Plaque! " Everyone that hears this turns and looks at Bird with fear in their eyes. The messenger realized what he said and begins to sweat. Bird's face is emotionless. Suddenly he says "......Fuck it, I don't care anymore. I assume it was easy to find me because I'm the only black guy in town right?" The messenger shrugs. Sir Shawn smirks and says. " Did the trail of dead chickens help?" The messenger laughs. " Shut the hell up Shawn...Can I have my damn letter now?!?" Bird receives a letter with a unicorn stamp on it. " No freaking way..." He begins reading. " I have been watching you and if not anything, your life right now is very amusing! By the way I want food and massage slave! Or should I say Black Plaque! Hahahaha! Love The Princess <3". Bird throws his hands in the air " WHY THE HELL AM I LOOKING FOR THIS BITCH?!?!?!" -To be continued -
Random black guy appeared!
Used Sushi time.
It was supra affective!
-Short Fucking Story time-
Bird was having an awesome dream about racing steeds when the rambles of Sir Shawn and Villy appeared
Sir Shawn asked " Will you be attending the gathering at my manor Villy Manilly Silly Willy?"
" I must say no for my drinking habits have caused my bootie to poop liquids. Also my joints hurt from being violently man handled last night!" Villy replied
"Bolder dash! Some vodka from my redneck stash will fix you right up!" Said Sir Shawn
" No thanks, I ate some bread and it made my watery poop into a mudslide so no need for that Sir Shawn. Please enjoy this picture of me pooping.
"Quite! I will cherish this pic of you Villy!" Said Sir fuck face Shawn
Bird opens his tent and yells " Will you 2 stop fucking mass texting me!"
- They continue to torment bird to this day. They are douche bags. The end-
-There once was a man from Nantucket, His supra was a really big bucket, his turbo had blown, with out one to loan, so he closed the garage and said fuck it.-
-The return-
Princess Faye was accompanied by Sir Shawn, who she had givin the new Title of Du King. A name that will haunt Bird for years to come from drinking too much ale.
- End of Teaser -
-Short story-
Bird was waiting in line to get his steed KnightMare cleaned at the Steed Wash Wizard. She was indeed neglected at the stable while MidKnight was terrorizing the locals with Du Kings steed Oreo ( Shawn I don't fucking care if you named it Lexi, that cars nickname is Oreo and even your wife agreed 😎
To Birds surprise he witnessed something beautiful. 2 maidens were washing a white steed with markings that said "Cobra". The women were wearing white and playing with the water. Soon the expected happened and their blouses turned clear. As the wizard finished cleaning KnightMare, Bird proceeded to have KnightMare run directly next to them causing mud to fly about. The maidens, the Cobra, also KnightMare were dirty again.
Bird turned around and had the wizard clean her again.
" I would scold you for that but seeing as how I am able to watch these maidens play in water again....this one is on the house!b
bird, from now on...post em here
"LOL My drunk text to faye: "Du king Shawn got my drunk lol good thing auto correct is active ot I won't nkbt sense lol. Damb it s been a while sense i drank anything lol. Sorry if i'm waking you up lol m. Fucking gekl can't spell lol. Cutie fage got work in morning. Laaaaaame!! hahahaha sorry"
.....I decided that i will drink and text more often now lol"-bird
"hahah you has hat! I kinda like sfhe idea of that having my own bake for turbo broples. Bahaha"-bird
" Bit suay don't use nitrollk that shit vacd for toror. Just built motor is terad of nos
Nos is for fagab. Build motor!
Haha sorry drunk lahaga
Fukjet you ass hat lol "-bird
Aight so I got bored of waiting for Princess Faye to reply so I started making these stories for her daily. Mainly its focused on events that have happened while in the group but I do throw in random parts. I'm posting some of these up because fuck it that's why
The skit starts when ibwas texting Faye and didn't hear back from her for a few ours ( yes I know she's busy shut uuuuuuup
)-There was silence...not a sound "what has happened to the princess?!?" The slave pondered as he stared at his dark black horse named Midknight. "I hope no evil has fallen upon her!" MidKnight shutters and kicks gently at the ground. "Thou wish me to ride upon thee? Alright my love lets ride!". The young slave on his noble steed run through the mountains to Sir Shawn and tell the tale of the missing princess- To be continued....
-The slave raced to the mountains of sir Shawn. As he neared he heard.." Halt! Who goes there?!". The slave slowed MidKnight. " I have word that the Princess is missing and that you would be a great partner to help find her!" Sir Shawn looks and smiles at the slaves steed. " You have great taste in steed! Looks like we have the same breed of power!" Sir Shawn points to his steed. It looked exactly like MidKnight but was white. An albino sister of MidKnight. Soon Sir Shawns wife appeared. "My love if you are going out please pick up a new starter for my work horse!" This woman is known as Yevette...named close to a type of battle ship of some sort. "I will my darling! Please bring in the fresh chicken eggs and prepare a grand fiesta for when I return with my comrades!". Fiesta?!?! - To be continued....
-The slave and Sir Shawn raced through the forest " Sir what is your name?" Asked Sir Shawn. " I am but a slave, I have no name." Sir Shawn says " Nonsense! A man needs a name! Hmmm" Sir Shawn looks around and spots a Raven in the tree. "How about Bird?" The slave looks confused "Why would I be called bird?" Sir Shawn shrugs " I dono....saw it....thought it....named it I mean you." The slave sighs " Bird it is then..."- To be continued.....
- Bird and Sir Shawn head to a nearby cave before sun down. As they ride they hear a sound that jumps up in tone. "....That can't be what I think it is." Bird says. Sir Shawn replys " O Fiddle sticks!! " The 2 men are surrounded by multi colored steeds with what appears to be war paint on the side of each one of them. The steeds would breath abnormally loud and run faster in spurts. All of then were different colors and each man had a shinny chrome mask on. Bird and Sir Shawn look at eatchother and yell. " V-TECERS!!!" -......to be continued.
- Bird and Sir Shawn pushed their steeds to the limit to escape the V-Tec bandits. Midknight was a bit faster than Sir Shawns Albino queen and took lead. But something was wrong.... "Bird your steed is putting off a horrid stench!" just as Sir Shawn mentioned that MidKnight began to lift her tail as poop sprayed from her ass all over Sir Shawn. Bird cried out " Damn! She blew a gasket!"....To be continued.
-We return with MidKnights ass violently flapping, Sir Shawn throwing up from being covered in poo, and Bird laughing hysterically. One of the V-tecs on a mini steed that had a badge that read S2000 yells out " My name is Paul! I'm a friend! Fallow me to safety!" Bird and Sir Shawn look at each other and yell ".....FUCK IT!" The 3 exit the forest and enter a well lit cave. As soon as they are in Paul yells "NOW!!" Right then a group of riders with the crest PacNW show up out of the shadows. The V-Tec bandits stop, do a full 180 and retreat. Bird said " PacNW?!? I thought you were all just a legend!" One of the riders on a Blue steed jumps off " No we are real! Just as real as my boobs you sexy chocolate man!" Bird and Sir Shawn look at each other and smile as they wait for the rider to remove her helmet. "The name is Villyan" Bird and Sir Shawns smiles dissipate and turn into looks of disgust as the riders helmet comes off to reveal that the woman is actually a transvestite. "But you 2 can call me the Guv Na " - ....to be continued.
-Mini short story time!- These are just random moments in the actual story that have nothing to do with what's going on... As I am having writers block and don't give to much effort until the next installment.
Bird had decides to try a new crave that started rising in the lands. It was called PIZZA. He entered the HUT that was making them and ordered. The cheese disk was good and satisfied him so he decided to fall asleep to some porn. " Are you done with us now?" said the female porn star. "I paid $9.99 from Sir Shawns wallet without him realizing it so no.....continue" said Bird. As the sexy time continued, Bird soon fell asleep. But was awoken around 2 FUCKING AM BY MY STOMACH. Sorry..... So Bird ran to the nearest out house. " O god I think I know how MidKnight feels!" There was a loud rumble and a scream. Hours later Bird was found passed out on the floor with his intestine in the toilet bowl. Moral of the story, fuck pizza hut and their food poison products. - End of the Cheezy peezy squeezy -
-Short story time pt2-
Bird laid in bed. The end
-End of I don't have any material still-
-Bird returned from his near death experience. " How long was I out?" he asked Sir Shawn. "Good god sir you were out for 2 weeks! The blast from your bowels caused an epidemic! Many have fallen sick and others fled looking for fresh air. The king him self named the disease YOU caused!". Bird was saddened and embarrassed by the news. "....What did he call it?". Sir Shawn was hesitant to tell bird. "Sir Shawn...what did he call it?" Sir Shawn took a deep breath. "The King received word of what had happened and by who.....so he decided to call it the Black Plaque." Bird dropped his face into his own hands. "Fuck....". Sir Shawn was shocked and surprised. "Bird you have been unconscious for 2 weeks how do you know about the Fornication Under Command of the King?" Bird's eyes widen and gets angry. " Wait what?!?! I missed that as well?!?!!!!" -To be continued -
-A messenger wearing a homemade gas suit appears in front of Bird and Sir Shawn "You must be Bird! Here is a letter for you." Bird was confused. Sir Shawn asks "How does thou knowith of Mc Birdy Boom Boom?" Bird punches Sir Shawns arm ( Shawn I can see you actually being this character by the way ) The messenger laughs. " Everyone knows Bird of the Black Plaque! " Everyone that hears this turns and looks at Bird with fear in their eyes. The messenger realized what he said and begins to sweat. Bird's face is emotionless. Suddenly he says "......Fuck it, I don't care anymore. I assume it was easy to find me because I'm the only black guy in town right?" The messenger shrugs. Sir Shawn smirks and says. " Did the trail of dead chickens help?" The messenger laughs. " Shut the hell up Shawn...Can I have my damn letter now?!?" Bird receives a letter with a unicorn stamp on it. " No freaking way..." He begins reading. " I have been watching you and if not anything, your life right now is very amusing! By the way I want food and massage slave! Or should I say Black Plaque! Hahahaha! Love The Princess <3". Bird throws his hands in the air " WHY THE HELL AM I LOOKING FOR THIS BITCH?!?!?!" -To be continued -
Random black guy appeared!
Used Sushi time.
It was supra affective!
-Short Fucking Story time-
Bird was having an awesome dream about racing steeds when the rambles of Sir Shawn and Villy appeared
Sir Shawn asked " Will you be attending the gathering at my manor Villy Manilly Silly Willy?"
" I must say no for my drinking habits have caused my bootie to poop liquids. Also my joints hurt from being violently man handled last night!" Villy replied
"Bolder dash! Some vodka from my redneck stash will fix you right up!" Said Sir Shawn
" No thanks, I ate some bread and it made my watery poop into a mudslide so no need for that Sir Shawn. Please enjoy this picture of me pooping.
"Quite! I will cherish this pic of you Villy!" Said Sir fuck face Shawn
Bird opens his tent and yells " Will you 2 stop fucking mass texting me!"
- They continue to torment bird to this day. They are douche bags. The end-
-There once was a man from Nantucket, His supra was a really big bucket, his turbo had blown, with out one to loan, so he closed the garage and said fuck it.-
-The return-
Princess Faye was accompanied by Sir Shawn, who she had givin the new Title of Du King. A name that will haunt Bird for years to come from drinking too much ale.
- End of Teaser -
-Short story-
Bird was waiting in line to get his steed KnightMare cleaned at the Steed Wash Wizard. She was indeed neglected at the stable while MidKnight was terrorizing the locals with Du Kings steed Oreo ( Shawn I don't fucking care if you named it Lexi, that cars nickname is Oreo and even your wife agreed 😎
To Birds surprise he witnessed something beautiful. 2 maidens were washing a white steed with markings that said "Cobra". The women were wearing white and playing with the water. Soon the expected happened and their blouses turned clear. As the wizard finished cleaning KnightMare, Bird proceeded to have KnightMare run directly next to them causing mud to fly about. The maidens, the Cobra, also KnightMare were dirty again.
Bird turned around and had the wizard clean her again.
" I would scold you for that but seeing as how I am able to watch these maidens play in water again....this one is on the house!b
