A dump

[Facime]

funny poop story:
Many years ago when I lived in the Mojave desert I was living with this girl name Jenn. We were pretty comfortable with each other pretty fast and didnt close the door to pee, but we did close the door normally to poop...as a courtesy kinda thing ya know. Well one day I was working in the garage and came in for something. Apparently, I didnt make enough noise for Jenn to know I was in the house and when I walked by the bathroom I caught her mid "push". She has this really funny, strained expression on her face until she saw me, then she looked like a deer in the headlights...

I never laughed so hard in my life. From that day on if I wanted to tease her all I had to do was make "that face". :naughty:


in 11 years with my wife, I never pooped in front of her.

 

[IJ.]

Pete: LOL and I bet she was happy about that

I spent 3 months flat on my back in hospital and taking a normal dump on a toilet was one thing I looked forward to! (They told me I may never walk again but at that point it was #2 on my list of things I missed)

 

[Facime]

been there done that as well Ian, though not for nearly as long. After my bike accident I spent 14 days flat on my back in the hospital. I refused to use a bedpan and against doctors orders with my arm in a cast to the shoulder and my leg in a cast to the hip, I made my gf help me to the toilet. On the way I had to put weight on my leg and undid, with one nasty sounding crunch, the 3 hour surgury to put my shattered ankle together. The next day they had to put me back under and thats when they went in and attached hardware and took bone from my hip. Five days later when I still hadnt pooped they said I couldnt leave the hospital until I did. That night I dropped an enormous load that nearly filled the pan. I went home the next day.

 

[IJ.]

I wasn't allowed to sit up ever in the entire 3 months.....

Only time I got upright was after having my wounds sealed then my pelvis/lower back strapped in a brace taken to the pool lowered on a hoist into the water floated to the deep end and tipped up by the rehab chick

I dreamed of taking a real dump!

I spent another 3 months in total in and out of hospital having surgery and can empathise 100% on the "Can't go home till ya shit" frustration!

 

[Facime]

heh, jesus we are a couple of crickety ol fucks.

 

[tbcmorris]

Wow. I once took a crap for like 25 minutes. And boy o boy talk about courtsey flushes and air freshener.

 

[Highnitro]

god u 2 are funny (ian and pete) this thread made me laugh soo hard. any other usless shit facts ian?

 

[MK3Brent]

I've thought about that before too, mass and such.. quantity.

But more recently I've been thinking about places I've never shat.

I've never taken a dump NOT on a toilet... disregarding diapers and such when you're little.
Not once have I had to do it in the woods or other places.

 

[Facime]

I've never taken a dump NOT on a toilet...

you arent missing anything.

I had a buddy who was arrested for shitting in a trash can in the U of WA library. He was a stange dude, he once also got caught for pissing into an ice machine at a hotel (the old bin type).

Ive always had a touch of IBS so Ive had my share of crazy poops. One time while driving, I sneezed and shat myself (and not just a little marble). I was on my way to class and had a test and was late. I waited until after class to fix my shorts.

Once, my wife and I were out on a neighborhood walk and a poop came on so suddenly that I could no longer walk because each step brought me closer to pooping myself. I had to have my wife walk the rest of the way back to the house, get the car and come get me while I sat on the curb in an EPIC battle of cheek clenching.

I have has many close calls in which I didnt think I was gonna get my pants down fast enough... and a few cases where I didnt. :nono:

 

[Clueless]

IJ, I would personally upper deck it.

 

[greg88]

Awesome...

I never spray air freshener after dropping a load. Everyone already knows that shit stinks. Why disguise the smell? That always irritates me.

One time in high school, a female friend of mine was going through some drama with another girl. One Friday, before a football game, I took a huge dump in a bag and put it in the girls locker.:naughty: She thought it was a spirit gift because I wrote football stuff on the bag like "Yay DOGS!! Beat those Cougars!!"

Another amazing fact:
I work with a guy who has some friends at the waste treatment plant. He says that there are only two days out of the year when the sewage pumps are processing at full capacity. The day after Thanksgiving and the day after Christmas.

 

[roundfinger]

A friend of mine in college had the odd goal of pooping in EVERY toilet on campus, not just every bathroom, but EVERY toilet in every bathroom be it mens, womens, handicap or private. He drew a bathroom/toilet map on the campus map and would x them off as he conquered another one...

towards the end of our years there he started to not flush so that others would be able to drink in "his powerful beef". O and even tho the Boykin was short, he was a big ol boy and a big ol eater and believe me I feel sorry for the person to stumble upon his present...especially if it was some poor sorority girl....mind you thats also extremely funny!!!

 

[IJ.]

^ LOL can't help but think of the "diarrhoea twins" from Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle

 

[Facime]

A friend of mine in college had the odd goal of pooping in EVERY toilet on campus, not just every bathroom, but EVERY toilet in every bathroom be it mens, womens, handicap or private. He drew a bathroom/toilet map on the campus map and would x them off as he conquered another one...

Thats funny as hell! Reminds me of my buddy.

 

[Quin]

Just got back from taking a shit when I read this. Good for some A+ lulz.

On an unrelated use of the word dump, a friend and I have been loading his Camaro every day with bags of old childhood toys and other random crap in his basement and making routine trips to the landfill lol

 

[Clueless]

Just got back from taking a shit when I read this. Good for some A+ lulz.

On an unrelated use of the word dump, a friend and I have been loading his Camaro every day with bags of old childhood toys and other random crap in his basement and making routine trips to the landfill lol

you know you could've donated those to goodwill for a tax write off...just saying

 

[IJ.]

Ever reach for the flush and stop and think "Hey I don't remember eating that"

 

[Clueless]

or more so, have you ever stop to think how many times you poop each day?

 

[roundfinger]

As i seem to suffer from a mild case of random IBS, which becomes more volatile when red sauces are consumed. I wonder why I knowingly love and consume Mexican and italian food...spaghetti, tacos w/ spicy red sauce, chicken marinara/paremesan, etc...
Now it has yet to be so bad where Ive not made it to the restroom in time, and I've damn sure had to clench my sphincter like you wouldnt believe on some strange fast ass walks to a gross but NEAR restrooms to pop a squat on. Oddly when that hot stream of "Liquid Ass Fire" blows out of me I feel reborn. And thinner.

 

[supraman7mgte]

Gatorade can make you poop in different colors!