^^^ Well, gentlemen... the jury has just convened, and reached an immediate verdict. The judgement is unanimous, and the punitive damages are emotional...
Trauma. Pure trauma. "Your honor... I'd like to request a re-trial, sir... you see, I... I... I... was "unaware" of what was happening until it was too late... and, and, and... my "tune" just wasn't quite on....... my tires were cold... and the air temp was OVER 90*.... er.... er.... ahem."
I shot that photo just after the "alleged" incident... just to note that it was not "smoking", nor otherwise worse for the wear... considering the oppressing heat and humidity. Makes me wonder what it would do on a cool day...:evil3:
DISCLAIMER:
I am not a proponent of racing, so first, I must tell you that nothing I am about to convey really happened...:icon_cool ...and none of the characters in this story are real people or cars... simply a sordid array of "figments" of a sickly soul who occassionally claims to be crisp.
SETTING:
(Advance Auto Parts store)
Walk in with the 'lara out front to pick up some battery cables... several people in the store... then two young guys... the quintessential "Mutt n Jeff" duo, walk in... a bright, shiny STI sitting out front next to the 'lara... (ELECTRIC BLUE, no less!) And the larger kid with angst and visions of torque all over his face... tatoos like wallpaper on his HUGE MEAT-HOCKS of arms... a large STAR on his calf. Aloof, and generally "car-geekie" looking all over, the other guy had the Spock hair-doo and looked like he played in the "Revenge of the Nerds", made a quick purchase and headed out the door.:joshers:
Right as they were going out, the guy at the counter... from the local automotive school ALSO, no doubt, pointed out a yellow "STANDARD"? Lancer out front, and mocks "he went and put a TURBO in the standard Lancer!!! HA HA!"... and the other guys says "heh.... he thinks he's gonna be fast or something!"... then gets into the spankin'-lookin' WRX with the BIG SCOOP and a nice looking piece of tailpipe art tempered titanium hues to die for, cocked out the right rear at an outward and upward angle. Brrrrrrrrrrbt' PHHttttbrlurp - POP! Brrrrrrrrrbbbbllllllllbrrrrrrrrrbt' PHHttttttbrlurphhhhhhhht- CRACK, phttttttt......... brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......
Off he goes, and the yellow Lancer (with the EVO kit) comes back around and makes a "wanting" pass....
DAMN! WHY did I drive the 'LARA on THIS PARTICULAR TRIP?:3d_frown:
Oh oh..... I smell JUVINILIA oozing out of my pores like weeping ivy rash on a red-head in season... "please don't let me use bad judgement... please don't let me use bad judgement..."
10 MINUTES LATER:
I find myself already easing into my drive... the kids are occupied in the twilight hours of sunset... and I have about 40 minutes till it goes too dark to get into some digits... (theoretically, that is...)
"Ummm...... HONEY??!!! I FORGOT the CAT FOOD!" (For REAL! That's the line I used... SUPPOSEDLY.)
I KNOW he headed toward the Super Wally-World... not much else out that way... MAYBE he's still around the lot.... (What is crisp THINKING!!!:icon_conf )
I pick the bag up just up the street at the TSC, where the line will be NO ONE and I can RUN IN, GRAB IT, and get back in the car. I ease into the WW P-lot, and as I complete a full pass around the full spaces... THERE IT IS!
I pull a slow loop to a spot WAY OFF from the doors, with my TARGET between me and the exit. ALMOST IMMEDIATELY, I see the monstor-child emerge with his "Jughead" buddy at side! I quickly grab my 9-LED mini-torch, and pop the hood, acting as if I'm checking something. (I'm wearing an ELECTRIC BAHAMA BLUE ADIDAS shirt... you'd HAVE to recognize it in ANY 30 minute window!:hsugh: )
They get in, and I drop the hood. Slip into the car, then act a little "occupied", as they seem to be "waiting" back. They BLUUUURP out of their spot, and head RIGHT in front across me, then turn to loop around me, and head out.... but I'm RIGHT in stride as I pull a tight curl and slip tight to their tail. (A PACE SETTER exhaust:fart: and polished rim wearing primer "gunfighter" body work kit civic goes unnoticed beside us at the light...)
As the light goes green... he pulls out QUICKLY to the right, a four lane stretch, that allows him to immediately accelerate WIDE around the pickup in front of him... but I'm a quick stab at the throttle from throwing my tail in a roasting drift as I lunge forward and grab second, continuing the sliding drift through a good part of it, and grabbing third just in time to get "straight" as I move into the right lane now, rush up alongside, and spring past the blurrr of shocked faces... until I hit fourth, and then crack-off throttle and hard on brakes to haul down for the Orange Semi trailer up ahead...
heh heh heh... they are in SHOCK behind me now... as the lane merges to one...
INTO THE COUNTRY:
His HID lights bright in my mirrors, I pace contentedly behind the semi... knowing he will turn off into a plant about a mile ahead... as we ease up to this point, he is surging... chomping at the bit... just WAITING for that opportunity to "retaliate", and pull a "loser-victory" pass.
Sorry guys. NOT TONIGHT!
I stick to the semi, making sure there is no passing ops before he turns off... then a quick STAB at third... and a hard pull that he tries to hang with. I short shift fourth quickly, never getting into the peek of my boost-thrust, and STILL holding the gap. Heh heh heh... I know it's a go now.
Next car is the LAST for as far as we can see heading into the countryside... I can see the last crossroad, solid line up to the intersection... and carfully space myself, the STI, and the car ahead to "hold my mark" until the double-dotted allows... and keep this flat box-rocket from poppin' his cork too early.
THE RACE:
4,000 RPM coming up in third gear, and I nail it as I signal my pass, and he's right on cue. Quick rush to the shift, and fourth.... Ahhhhhhhh... FOURTH!!!:burnout:
My haunches compress... a distinct thrust forward that seems HARDER than the 2-3 transition... and a HARD RUSH ALL THE WAY to fifth... where I keep it pinned till I'm sweeping thru 140... still under firm acceleration... and glance back at the 20 plus lengths I have quickly opened up on the STI... Ahhhhhhhh.... now I truly know where I stand!:icon_bigg
I let it back to about 100 for a few seconds... and he's HARD ON coming up onto my tail... but before he can "pop out"... at about 5 lengths off... I hit it again in fourth... and carry it right up to a good number again. Then I hold it there... and watch him disappear in the distance, his twinkling projectors... a glimmer of the great "victory post" I must now conceive!:biglaugh:
Truth be told... that's about as accurate as it gets... and the kids car was actually pretty respectable, too.
-crisp
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