OH MY GOD this is a horrible few weeks... [vent]

[Figit090]

I fucking need to vent...or something. I know there are many many many people worse off than me but i'm having a bad few weeks.

------EDIT-------
I'm feeling a bit better now...and i've thought about things and I think I have it under control. I dont want to delete everything so i'll leave it up. thanks everybody.
------/EDIT------

I just lost one of my best friends because she said i neglected our relationship and she got fed up trying... apparently I wasnt forward enough and didn't seem to care in her eyes. she started out talking about it through the gay honesty box i put on facebook. (speak anonymously to someone) then she came out with it on a labeled account on myspace... and now i know who she is. i learn this not even 20 minutes ago. she even said not to bother replying. I feel horrible. She is my best friend's girlfriend. a girl i've spent a lot of time with, a girl that meant a lot to me before...something...happened. she WAS one of my best friends. detached because of college, but so many people I know are detached as well... so i dont know if thats it...but there's more. i just dont even know. I'm just not a forward person i suppose i dont keep up well enough with relationships, or at least as well as expected. so yeah i'm super bummed and I have lost all will to be happy. i'll probably cry later.

speaking of relationships...i almost had one (a girlfriend that is) and it got fucked up too... we were hanging out a lot and then one day she gets kissed by another guy. we weren't together, she had no obligation to save herself for me, but still she said she liked me before hand, i made it obvious i liked her, and the day I was going to ask her out (but didnt because i ran out of time in the day...job stuff)...
THAT VERY DAY...i learn she let another guy kiss her. I felt soo bad...and i still do feel bad. I really opened up to her and i dont know if this is because its one of the few 'romantic' relationships i've had, but I really really liked talking to her...we just talked for hours and we got along... it was going well up until then...

until that faggot kissed her, and she didnt quite stop it immediately...so it fucked things up by making it akward. I questioned how much she liked me, and then forgave her and told her i still cared for her. I get all worried about whats going on when i'm not around because its natural to me... and then things have just been going downhill since this started..

then last night she tells me she has an issue where she'll like a guy (me) one day and then maybe tomorrow she won't. like a see-saw of attraction if you accept that metaphor. so i dont know what the hell to do. I want to still at least be her friend and I wanted to try a relationship but she told me to stop caring for her and her, me, and my best friend say that i shouldn't get attached. I know i shouldn't it just sucks so bad...

I dont even know why i posted. you are all basically random people I have a slim chance of ever meeting, and i dont even expect or necessarly WANT advise, but lots of people seem to post their issues on here and i was hoping maybe if i did (i never do) I would feel a bit better.

so now that i've vented... :icon_evil :icon_evil

how was your day???:biglaugh:

 

[Keros]

I've never been one to beat around the bush, so I'm just going to cut the shit and get straight to offering my opinion. On with the unpleasantries.

You have to pull up your pants dude. Those girls are walking all over you. This girl you want to date? Who cares if she was making some other dude. Tell her you want to be with her, and leave it at that. If she says yes, and you both want an exclusive relationship, then hell yeah go for it. Otherwise, don't waste a single breath on it. Lay your cards out for her and let her decide what she wants... if she can't decide, just forget about her and move on, there's plenty of fish in the sea.

As for this other girl, the friend that's drifting away. Man up. If you still want her as a friend, don't take that shit about "don't even bother replying"... that's just one of those little tests women do, imo. Besides, she's already pissed at you, if she is serious and doesn't want you to reply, you have nothing to lose anyway. A mosquito on the rhino's back.

If you care about her, you'll reply by any means necessary. You have nothing to lose by pursing a resolution to the situation. Lay it all out for her, and tell her that you didn't (or don't) understand that you did anything wrong, and that she needs to tell you what she wants. And if she's not willing to give a little to get a little, then again, it's not worth your time. I wouldn't recommend apologizing unless you think you did something wrong. Just tell her that the past is the past, and mistakes may have been made, but you want to change the future for the better. Or something like that... Never apologize for being who you are, only ever apologize for doing something wrong.

Relationships are complicated things, good luck. Now, get out there and go bust some skulls. Don't take this shit laying down man, bring out the guns and go down fighting.

 

[AaronsSupraMKIII]

MAN UP! :3d_frown: Girls are a dime a dozen if you have alittle self confidence...

 

[Figit090]

Never apologize for being who you are, only ever apologize for doing something wrong.

thank you, oh so much. I had a talk with my best friend who happens to be her boyfriend and he said some of the same things. Apparently she's just REALLY mad at me right now.

why? because i dont talk to her much online. fuck the internet. i feel like i have enough on my plate and i dont always talk with my heart into it while i'm online unless there's a meaningful conversation without personal emotions involved. Even then i still end up in meaningful conversations that i wish to god i could hear and see emotional feedback rather than just type. Last time she tried telling me all this I defended myself saying I didn't do anything. she was pissed that nobody talks to her, including me. when the previous day she went out with 5 of her friends. i feel like all i ever hear is her complaining about me or someone not talking to her and its going to stop now...

thank you for your advice I truly appriciate it.

MAN UP! Girls are a dime a dozen if you have alittle self confidence...

thanks for that....sometimes i forget and since i've been with the same batch of girls up until this year (high school pickins...i'm in college now) I'm figuring out that I have lots of options. My best friend said the same thing about the world being a huge ocean and there's lots of women to choose from. I just fail to think about those things as i should. I overreact to things...i just need a chill pill i suppose.

I'll get the hang of it. today I walked past a car that's always parked in the same general area... its a red mini cooper with white stripes. I dont see them up close much and this one is nice, so i like to stare at is as i walk past. Up until today the owner was never there...but there happened to be a cute girl sitting in the drivers seat when i passed to find my car...
So on my way back from the supe I decided to look back to see if maybe she'd look up from her laptop...and she did - gave a little grin too. that made me happy. :biglaugh:

well anyway, i'm a lot better now. I still feel like poo...but with my friend's words and more similar thoughts from you guys I think I'm alright now.

thanks a lot Keros and Aarons, i appriciate you taking time from your day to make mine a bit easier...:hs:

Andrew

 

[Poodles]

need more info on the friend situation...

but that sorta g/f... lay the feelings out, if she doesn't respond, look elsewhere.

hard to give any advice with such little info to be honest, but it seems like you're shy and lacking in confidence, so work on that...

EDIT: I see you posted right before me..

The friend thing, she's probably a bit...well, she may be attracted to you and is mad because you won't give her attention. That might not be it, but it sure sounds like it...

 

[foreverpsycotic]

Like you said bro, your in college. Go out, party and go to clubs. Find a cute girl in one of your classes and park your ass next to her. Hang around school at night with a couple of friends. Trust me, freshman year girls all loose their "home" boyfriends and start looking around (most after the first month or two). At college, its easy pickings compaired to the real world.

 

[Figit090]

-----several edits--------------

I am a shy person. i've had one girlfriend. I'm new to this. I'm getting the picture though. its really a lot more straightforward than i anticipated.

friend situation... its hard to say. I'm just going to call her after her Friday mid-term. She is upset with me because she says I don't care. she doesn't call me anymore and doesn't really talk online, not sure if this was before or after she was mad but hell i'd say hi and she wouldn't even be there and then she blames me for not talking to her...i was just sick of saying "hi" to a screen with no viewer it was fucking pointless. I talk to people who talk back...and if they don't I just seem to forget i suppose.

I dont know. I just need to talk to her. We were best friends and I suppose I didn't try enough and then she sends me an anonymous message on facebook apparently thinking it would help. as if i knew who sent it!? her boyfriend (my best friend) said she told that to him and he asked her what good it would do as well....soo..

she's the type that thinks her way is the right way. i should understand her meaningless clues that don't make sense. I'll just talk to her and keep in mind that its not necessarily my fault.

Like you said bro, your in college. Go out, party and go to clubs. Find a cute girl in one of your classes and park your ass next to her. Hang around school at night with a couple of friends. Trust me, freshman year girls all loose their "home" boyfriends and start looking around (most after the first month or two). At college, its easy pickings compared to the real world.

Sadly I don't drink. well not sadly, i'm fine with it, but its too bad parties aren't really uh...for me. i dunno. Something well happen, i just got ahead of myself when this girl tells me she likes me. maybe part of me feels desperate. i haven't had a girlfriend in a few years. <--don't ask. but I know not to be goofy about this now.

the thing was when i met this girl, it was online through facebook, because we knew we were going to the same school in the fall, wanted to make friends. then we meet up...and we spend an evening together and I have a talk with her, alone, totally random, up on a hill where nobody else was. we talked for probably 2 hours or more, and it was good conversation, not awkward, not dull...it was awesome. thats how i really started liking her, because we got along so well in the beginning. I just need to back it up a notch and get it to where it was...good.

 

[thedave925]

You my friend need to be competitive.

I think you're self conscious. Ease up. Be yourself in social situations.

Get used to the fact that with popularity comes people talking shit.

A great way to build up self confidence is to start working out.

Its okay to do things all by yourself. I.E. drinking while finishing your homework, shopping on your own.

Being a little spontaneous helps. If you come across a situation that may have unfavorable consequences, adopt the motto "FUCK IT" and go for the gold.



And please, make the ladies play your games, don't adapt to theirs.

 

[Keros]

Dave above is on the right track. We all have a friend that just... "gets it". If you have one of these friends, learn from him.

-----several edits--------------

I am a shy person. i've had one girlfriend. I'm new to this. I'm getting the picture though. its really a lot more straightforward than i anticipated.

It's ok man, Rome wasn't built in a day, don't apologize for being who you are. If you don't like who you are, just change. Start at the bottom and work up and don't bite off more than you're comfortable chewing. One girlfriend atleast means you have a grasp of what you're doing... which puts you ahead of alot of guys.

friend situation... its hard to say. I'm just going to call her after her Friday mid-term. She is upset with me because she says I don't care. she doesn't call me anymore and doesn't really talk online, not sure if this was before or after she was mad but hell i'd say hi and she wouldn't even be there and then she blames me for not talking to her...i was just sick of saying "hi" to a screen with no viewer it was fucking pointless. I talk to people who talk back...and if they don't I just seem to forget i suppose.

I dont know. I just need to talk to her. We were best friends and I suppose I didn't try enough and then she sends me an anonymous message on facebook apparently thinking it would help. as if i knew who sent it!? her boyfriend (my best friend) said she told that to him and he asked her what good it would do as well....soo..

she's the type that thinks her way is the right way. i should understand her meaningless clues that don't make sense. I'll just talk to her and keep in mind that its not necessarily my fault.

This is an uphill battle that's going to be tough to win. My thoughts are to make it a downhill battle that will win itself for you. You need to throw aside your precognitions about how a friendship "should be", and build a design of how your friendship with her, needs to be. I'll tell you one thing mate, she cares about you, to have gone through all this trouble to tell you that she's bothered by what's happening... if she didn't care, she just wouldn't talk to you.

I would recommend you treat each relationship as a case by case basis, and give each one that you want to keep and maintain the attention and recognition it requires to continue it. If it means you have to pick up the phone and call her every week or two, or go for coffee on tuesdays with her, than do it. It can't hurt anyway.

I don't have all the information, but her "thinking her way is the right way" may just appear that way, but it is really her asking for what she needs from your friendship.

Sadly I don't drink. well not sadly, i'm fine with it, but its too bad parties aren't really uh...for me. i dunno. Something well happen, i just got ahead of myself when this girl tells me she likes me. maybe part of me feels desperate. i haven't had a girlfriend in a few years. <--don't ask. but I know not to be goofy about this now.

Parties aren't for you, and neither is drinking, because (assumption here, forgive me if i'm offbase), you simply haven't given either a chance. All things are good in moderation, and even the best things are dangerous if used too much. You don't need to get slammed or wasted to have a good time. Go to the next party you're invited to, and just grab a beer and walk around, talk to whoever you can strike a conversation with (girls and guys). I won't lie to you, it will hurt the first few times you do it... social shyness is a hard thing to get over, and no one truely does get over it. Even the best leaders in the world still get butterflies in their stomach... just get out there and do it. Holding a drink is essential because it puts you on the same level as everyone else. It's a wierd subconcious effect... I've tried it, it's true. Drink vs No Drink, big difference.

Know when to stop, and get to know you're limits... no one likes a drunken idiot :icon_razz and for all that is good, do be careful. You only live once, and you'll likely only go to college once... Don't waste a single moment.

the thing was when i met this girl, it was online through facebook, because we knew we were going to the same school in the fall, wanted to make friends. then we meet up...and we spend an evening together and I have a talk with her, alone, totally random, up on a hill where nobody else was. we talked for probably 2 hours or more, and it was good conversation, not awkward, not dull...it was awesome. thats how i really started liking her, because we got along so well in the beginning. I just need to back it up a notch and get it to where it was...good.

Yeah man, I would just tell her, literally, that you had a great time with her, and you want her to go out with you. Put the ball in her court as directly as you can. NEVER beat around the bush... girls hate that sissy guy routine. All you have to do is tell her what you want out of your relationship with her, and if she wants the same things, you'll be happy as a pig in poo. If she doesn't, you've lost nothing and gained nothing. Tell her it's ok, you want to be her friend, and move on.

Ok, confidence, what Dave above is talking about. Here's some tidbits of specifics to help you get started.

Alright, do this one thing for me. Find a mirror, as full length as you can find. Stand infront of it, as you would a normal, relaxed posture... how do you look? Ok, now slouch as low as you can without being obvious about it... let your shoulders slack forward, tilt your head down and look at the floor as though you're checking the shape of your toes and put your hands in your pockets... now how do you look? Now smile, how do you look? Yeah, don't do that.

look straight ahead, take a deep breath and lift up your chest, then bring your shoulders back so that they're square and straight and comfortable. Now how do you look? Confident and in control. Keep your eyes level to the floor and look ahead, not down constantly, when you walk. Never put your hands in your pockets, or fidgit, or do anything that makes you appear that you don't know what to do with your extremities. If you don't know what to do with your hands, touch your index to your thumb (like you're doing the "OK" sign), and then let your hands just hang, relaxed at your sides.

Confidence is the ability to keep your own "power" to yourself, and make others want it. Confident people make other people attune themselves, or orient themselves, to the confident individual. Be it in perspective, ideas, or just orientation in space (hence, person A turns to talk to confident B, instead of the other way around). I'll mention the "back to the wall" principle: do just that, so that other people see your presence. It's a subconcious confirmation of your presence at all times... this is part of the reason cops face out into the room when in a public place. If you're at a resturant or bar, sit facing out into the room. It also makes it easier for people to orient themselves to you.

The lesson in all of the above, is that on average only about 7% of information about you is communicated through spoken words. The rest is a mix of body language and tone of voice. The posture discribed above will help you get over the body language hurdle, and it works, trust me. Verbal, ect, is up to you. How you stand, where you stand, where you look when you talk, facial expression, tone of voice, are all things that people (mostly girls) will judge you on. Try playing the "who looks away first" game with a girl across the room. See if you can get her eyes to meet yours, and then smile a bit, and see if you can make her look away first. Your first instinct is to look away... fight that instinct. Also... don't be creepy about it :sarcasm:

Sorry for the novel, i get carried away easily :biglaugh: I hope this helps.

 

[OneJoeZee]

so now that i've vented... :icon_evil :icon_evil

how was your day???:biglaugh:

That sucks...

I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

 

[suprarx7nut]

As for the drinking..... I wasn't a drinker most my freshman year. I hated all the fuckers in my dorm that would get shitfaced all the time and yell and scream cuz they were drunk off their ass.

Then I found the right people to party with. Makes a world of difference. I got completely trashed a few times and learned my limits and now never get that drunk. Just hanging out with a few beers in your system makes it infinitely easier to talk to anyone if you're a bit shy.

I was knocking all the partiers for a while.... then I tried it and holy shit was i wrong. College is the best time for you to see who you are and who you;d like to become. Dont be afraid of fucking up, just go have fun. Be a little crazy, but not too crazy. Dont drive drunk, duh! Let loose because if you dont now, you never will.

Over half way through my undergrad career, I'm already wishing I had longer. College is a blast, don't let any one person get to you. If they dont like you, then fuck them.

Good luck and have a beer for me while I study my ass off this week.

 

[supra_g]

That sucks...

I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

lol...

Seriously, figit, you should throw the ball in their (girls) court. I think if you don't, you'll end up dribbling the ball like you have. I don't know about any other girls, but for me, I'd want a guy to lay out exactly what's on his mind, what he wants to say, etc. instead of making me guess what he's thinking. Don't be afraid to just start talking. You'll probably find that the words will come out and you could slowly make them understand. (Confidence don't come over night. It does sometimes take some practice.) Besides the above, things happen for a reason. Maybe these girls aren't the ones for you. Plus, you got college know and a bigger network of people. (Have fun.)

I hope you're feeling better. :icon_bigg

 

[Figit090]

You my friend need to be competitive.
I think you're self conscious. Ease up. Be yourself in social situations.
Get used to the fact that with popularity comes people talking shit.
A great way to build up self confidence is to start working out.
Its okay to do things all by yourself. I.E. drinking while finishing your homework, shopping on your own.
Being a little spontaneous helps. If you come across a situation that may have unfavorable consequences, adopt the motto "FUCK IT" and go for the gold.
And please, make the ladies play your games, don't adapt to theirs.

thanks. I'll ease up a bit. I've REALLY eased up since highschool. meeting so many new people helped so much it's incredible. I'm getting more comfortable with things.

It's ok man, Rome wasn't built in a day, don't apologize for being who you are. If you don't like who you are, just change.

This is an uphill battle that's going to be tough to win. My thoughts are to make it a downhill battle that will win itself for you. You need to throw aside your precognitions about how a friendship "should be", and build a design of how your friendship with her, needs to be. I'll tell you one thing mate, she cares about you, to have gone through all this trouble to tell you that she's bothered by what's happening... if she didn't care, she just wouldn't talk to you.

I don't have all the information, but her "thinking her way is the right way" may just appear that way, but it is really her asking for what she needs from your friendship.

Parties aren't for you, and neither is drinking, because (assumption here, forgive me if i'm offbase), you simply haven't given either a chance. All things are good in moderation, and even the best things are dangerous if used too much. You don't need to get slammed or wasted to have a good time. Go to the next party you're invited to, and just grab a beer and walk around,
Drink vs No Drink, big difference.

Yeah man, I would just tell her, literally, that you had a great time with her, and you want her to go out with you. Put the ball in her court as directly as you can. NEVER beat around the bush... girls hate that sissy guy routine. All you have to do is tell her what you want out of your relationship with her, and if she wants the same things, you'll be happy as a pig in poo. If she doesn't, you've lost nothing and gained nothing. Tell her it's ok, you want to be her friend, and move on.

Ok, confidence, what Dave above is talking about. Here's some tidbits of specifics to help you get started.

The lesson in all of the above, is that on average only about 7% of information about you is communicated through spoken words. The rest is a mix of body language and tone of voice. The posture described above will help you get over the body language hurdle, and it works, trust me. Verbal, etc, is up to you. How you stand, where you stand, where you look when you talk, facial expression, tone of voice, are all things that people (mostly girls) will judge you on. Try playing the "who looks away first" game with a girl across the room. See if you can get her eyes to meet yours, and then smile a bit, and see if you can make her look away first. Your first instinct is to look away... fight that instinct. Also... don't be creepy about it :sarcasm:

Sorry for the novel, i get carried away easily :biglaugh: I hope this helps.

that DID help! thanks so much. All of it makes sense to me and everything. Its just something you gotta hear to get right you know? and some of it i've never thought of before... thanks for the kind words, and emphasizing that I should not be sorry for who I am.

With the beer thing, did you suggest to hold one even if i don't drink it? I don't think I want to get into it yet. I might and have a decent chance of trying it, but later on. I don't mind holding one though. haha. if that IS what you meant would opening it matter? what about a soda? I know that you mean, at least to the point that i feel more comfortable when i'm drinking something. gives me something to do when i'm not talking as well...

well thanks again everything you said really helped. I dont care that it was long, it shows you put time into it and it gave it more meaning. plus you addressed a lot of things, and it helped.

I'm getting a lot more out of this than i expected.

As for the drinking..... I wasn't a drinker most my freshman year. I hated all the fuckers in my dorm that would get shitfaced all the time and yell and scream cuz they were drunk off their ass.

Then I found the right people to party with. Makes a world of difference. I got completely trashed a few times and learned my limits and now never get that drunk. Just hanging out with a few beers in your system makes it infinitely easier to talk to anyone if you're a bit shy.
I was knocking all the partiers for a while.... then I tried it and holy shit was i wrong. College is the best time for you to see who you are and who you;d like to become. Dont be afraid of fucking up, just go have fun. Be a little crazy, but not too crazy. Dont drive drunk, duh! Let loose because if you dont now, you never will.
Over half way through my undergrad career, I'm already wishing I had longer. College is a blast, don't let any one person get to you. If they dont like you, then fuck them.

Good luck and have a beer for me while I study my ass off this week.

Haha, thanks man. I like your perspective, and i'm hearing from drinkers that they were like me and gave it up. today i was around a new friend who was drunk though and it's not really that cool. haha...but he had too much he was kinda stupid. but yeah I went to a party a while back with the possible girlfriend and we didn't drink and it was interesting. didn't quite fit in, its fun to watch and dance with people but she wasn't feelin it so we left.

but anyway, i'm interested in casual drinking. just not yet. in the future...if i like the taste...sure.

Maybe this is the wrong time but did everybody know that staying up for a certain length of time will make your brain have the same symptoms as drinking? it was tested i think, and proven, and i've experienced it i think...i stayed up a LONG time and was a total nut...

but anyway.

That sucks...

I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

hahaha....thanks that made me laugh.

lol...

Seriously, figit, you should throw the ball in their (girls) court. I think if you don't, you'll end up dribbling the ball like you have. I don't know about any other girls, but for me, I'd want a guy to lay out exactly what's on his mind, what he wants to say, etc. instead of making me guess what he's thinking. Don't be afraid to just start talking. You'll probably find that the words will come out and you could slowly make them understand. (Confidence don't come over night. It does sometimes take some practice.) Besides the above, things happen for a reason. Maybe these girls aren't the ones for you. Plus, you got college know and a bigger network of people. (Have fun.)

I hope you're feeling better. :icon_bigg

Thanks, that makes sense. She isn't talking to me right now and I want to kinda say stuff over but I dont want to overkill it either because she probably is fed up with me right now. She isn't talking online, only briefly texted me once when i sent her a message, and never replied earlier when i said good morning. I haven't actually talked to her for two days. Hopefully this space is a good thing. I'd be sad if it were allowing more deterioration. but I'm hoping she'll just talk to me.

Thanks for all that. I'm really glad i'm getting several points of view. A lot of people have helped me, on here, and a few in person. So i'm happy about that.

All in all I had a good day, and a great one compared to the other days. no...i had a great day and an awesome one compared to the other days before this. I'm much better now. It might sink low again but shouldnt be too bad. thankfully the possible girlfriend girl is going out of town for the weekend and i cant talk to the other girl until next week out of courtesy so i'm hoping to make this weekend pleasurable so i can do well on my engineering mid-term.

well i need to go practice a speech for tomorrow so i'll leave it at that.

Thanks again everyone, this is truly great for me.... :wave:

 

[Keros]

that DID help! thanks so much. All of it makes sense to me and everything. Its just something you gotta hear to get right you know? and some of it i've never thought of before... thanks for the kind words, and emphasizing that I should not be sorry for who I am.

With the beer thing, did you suggest to hold one even if i don't drink it? I don't think I want to get into it yet. I might and have a decent chance of trying it, but later on. I don't mind holding one though. haha. if that IS what you meant would opening it matter? what about a soda? I know that you mean, at least to the point that i feel more comfortable when i'm drinking something. gives me something to do when i'm not talking as well...

well thanks again everything you said really helped. I dont care that it was long, it shows you put time into it and it gave it more meaning. plus you addressed a lot of things, and it helped.

I'm getting a lot more out of this than i expected.

Yeah, you can just grab a beer, crack it and walk around with it like you're drinking it. It would work. Get some pop (or soda as you yanks call it), and try that. Drinking something, anything just brings others at ease and puts everyone on a level playing field. If you do go the path of the pop (or soda), and someone asks, just make up a conversation starter for it... You have to drive your friends home afterwards or something and then run with it.

And yeah, this stuff is stuff we all know on some level, but to actually read it and put it to words sheds it to a different concious light.

To me it's like... when someone says "ease up". Well, ok, sure no problem. Sounds simple... but how do you just "ease up"? We all know what it is, but really, how do you do it? It's one of those abstract principles that don't really get talked about.

 

[Figit090]

Yeah, you can just grab a beer, crack it and walk around with it like you're drinking it. It would work. Get some pop (or soda as you yanks call it), and try that. Drinking something, anything just brings others at ease and puts everyone on a level playing field. If you do go the path of the pop (or soda), and someone asks, just make up a conversation starter for it... You have to drive your friends home afterwards or something and then run with it.

And yeah, this stuff is stuff we all know on some level, but to actually read it and put it to words sheds it to a different concious light.

To me it's like... when someone says "ease up". Well, ok, sure no problem. Sounds simple... but how do you just "ease up"? We all know what it is, but really, how do you do it? It's one of those abstract principles that don't really get talked about.

cool, thanks. I'll be sure to try that next time i go to a party. and you're right about the over simplification of stating the answer to something...you cant describe a whole mindset with only two words. :3d_frown: haha. but yeah...thanks again.

ok so before i start off again please don't worry or go out of your way for me unless you i suppose want to, in which case its fine i just dont want to be a problem since these are my issues not yours... i suppose you could just refrain from posting but sometimes people still do even though they would rather not..i dunno. i just didnt want to seem like i was taking advantage of anyone since i've recieved so much input. but ANYWAY.

She hasn't really talked to me or seen me at all for 3 days now. I have already told her that I care about her, in person, and that i dont hate her, and that i forgive her, and i probably said something else too but whatever. my point is i'm in this little rut where I dont want to overwhelm the situation so i'm still just kinda waiting for something to happen. I made it a point earlier to meet up with her, or meet her after class, and i havent since a few nights back when a conversation ended badly and i got the point when i said good morning via text and nothing came back. she replied earlier but it was a... "i'm replying but i'm not happy with you, and only reply because I seem obligated" kind of reply....

so i decided to wait. and now i'm to the point where i'm thinking i might do something nice for her to show i'm still conscious that she exists, but i dont want to push it. i'm good friends with her roommates so i could get to her dorm no problem...

A thought came to mind a while back to leave a rose on her laptop/desk and either leave a note with it, or just a paper with my name by it, or tell her roommates who it was from so they could tell her... i'm not sure if this is a good idea though. I dont want to come off to clingy and I dont want her to think i forgot about her or stopped caring. i haven't...yet. She just was throwing out ideas during our stressed conversation, trying to figure out what to do with our relationship and one idea was to just give eachother some time off or something of that nature. so maybe she's just taking a break from me. I can say one thing; these past two days, after talking with buds and with all of you on here...have been great. I'm happy, i'm fine, and even though two important (one very important and long time) relationships are in the process of getting un-fucked. (lol..bad word choice? i dunno) i feel pretty good! and i had a speech in communications to do (demo on invisible ink) and the class liked it and nobody had anything for me to improve on...which made me happy.

maybe its because i have a feeling i can fix things. or i'm just sticking it out of my mind until the opportune time to actually proceed with things, then i can worry.

so i guess my main thing here is what to do with the possible girlfriend. i have until next...tuesday for the long time friend. (mid term - ne extra crap on the plate) The possible girlfiriend is going home to mom and dad for the weekend on a long-time planned out visit...by plane.

soo i'm contimplating taking her to the airport like i had originally agreed to (i think i did..?) after re-initiating our communicaiton...or I will let her just go home, and come back to initiate something. the point is, I dont want to screw up her family time, or do something not quite right and mess things up MORE. but i'm not sure which will do what.....

I asked her friends/dormies how she was and i guess she's somewhat normal. a bit quiet...but shes a difficult one to understand outwardly. and frankly it doesnt seem like the noticed any difference or could think otherwise. only one of them knows that she kissed another guy and i dunno if any know that there are issues between us at the moment. they're my friends no too and i am happy around them so they might not have a clue...

As for the gf girl, I haven't experianced, or i havent THOUGHT that i've experianced/seen her sad emotions. she kinda just frowns her eyebrows and lookes agitated. i really wish the portions we've talked online were in person...it would have made things eaiser.... from last time we talked i cant tell if she was sad and not showing it as most would, or if she's pissed. oh well. havent known her long enough i suppose.

well i'm done hopefully that wasn't confusing. I hope i'm not taking advantage of anything here, like i said earlier please don't go out of your way to anything for me, unless you'd like to. it is MY problem....but at the same time i feel silly for saying this because you dont HAVE to do shit, its a forum. oh well. for those that care, its out there.

----------EDIT!!!-------------

She's talking to me!! (possible GF) it took 3 days, but she said hi. then a few hours later when i'm not busy, and we're talking! it's weird though, i still don't get her.... i was worried at first when we first met and she talks about sexual things, but i think she is just one of those that likes to think about people....and delve kinda deep into their personal stuff...i dont know? is this normal? i mean wtf?

i'm going to be blunt, she asked me if masturbation was a touchy subject....not earlier but a few minutes ago!! this is the second sexual topic...not a huge deal but it was so fucking RANDOM!

and i'm like....in my mind...going....WTF??!?!?

I mean, woah? am i normal to assume that's a bit...out there? we've been really open with each other so far, but going from not talking barely at all to asking me questions about jerking off?

i dont know how to interpret that. now i'm really fucking confused.... is she trying to figure out what kinda guy i am? or something? digging up shit to throw into the fan without seeming hostile? i dont get it....

----------/EDIT-----------

 

[Figit090]

well it doesn't seem like people were to interested in this after i said you could ignore it (go figure...haha) but we're doing a little bit better. tonight she's flying back and i get to pick her up and take her home... hopefully the car ride back goes well. I'm thinking of mentioning that we just start over clean slate but i might just let that go unsaid... that was about the possible gf situation btw, the other best friend girl gets to wait until after my midterm.

 

[Poodles]

lol, I've had conversations like that with all my girlfriends, it's pretty normal.

usually because they're attracted to you, but it could get you in trouble as they might just want a lay and not anything more...

 

[thedave925]

When you pick her up from the airport, hug her and then help her with her luggage, and ask what her parents *might* think of you, to promote the possibility of a serious relationship in her mind.
Please don't give her a rose. Instead, maybe get a bouquet of flowers that are waiting in a watered vase in your dorm, so that you have a reason for her to drop by.

I noticed in your last large post that you also make lots of apologetic excuses. NOT a good habit to get into. Its one thing to be laid back, and another to be afraid. Maybe if your unsure of something, make it into a joke, have fun about it. If she doesn't even crack a smile, something is wrong.

Keep us updated, this is kinda like a soap from tv, but for real lol
-Dave

 

[Poodles]

someone once told me, that a persons life is the best movie ever made. sure there are boring parts, but beyond that it's stranger and better than any fiction...

 

[Jayhall]

just take a 6 pack to a party, you dont have to get absoultly smashed. I usually go with the " colt 45 and two zig zags" approch to partys, and i have a better time than most

girls are confusing, but not impossible.