Johnny D and his adventures with SUV's
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to any cops reading this or any authority figures...this is a totally fake story derived from my twisted mind...I jotted this not-so-true events while i was taking a shit wondering why cops like to pick on me in Portland...oh yeah and then it was computer generated..dont ask how, it just is.
OHHH but this wasnt just ANY SUV....this was the porsche Cayenne...and this wasnt your typical "im 50 and need to let off steam cause my gray hairs are as depressing as my prostate"..OHH NO..this was a "im driving daddies car and think im the fuckin shit because it has a porsche label on it and want to impress my friend in the passenger seat by picking on imports" type of character.
The night was clear..I just got finished dropping shane off from watching Doom. Of course..from a night like that, i like to kick back, set the cruise control on and enjoy the ride home.
All was great till midway through Crosstown, this Porsche Cayenne decides he wants to pull up fast then match my speed next to me in a strong and failing effort to impress me. Ignorance is bliss at this point and he takes off while my cruise control takes care of my relaxation.
Sadly..the Cayenne did not want to give up...approaching the Y-split on cross town, i said "fuck it", went to 3rd gear, hit 17psi and passed his ass up like an ugly bitch at a kick ass club. Now im in front of him....i go back to my regularly scheduled program of cruise control.
We head up the harbor bridge, im constantly looking in my rear view mirror...which means, im ready for war. we hit up the causeway and i slow to 60mph..on the hump i see what is to be NO TRAFFIC AT ALL...so perfect..its like an empty dojo with only me and my enemy to fight the last dual.
he matches my speed..i go to 4th gear, im out of my powerband, but im still ready for action.
there is no honk, there is no flashing of the brights...there was just me waiting for him to go so i can give him the head start and proceed to open up a chest full of whoop-ass.
he takes off, i give him a second to enjoy his lead and i gas it..instant 17psi, by 85mph we are door to door..after that, the rest is all me. end of fourth, i SLAM it into top gear and let the turbo do its dirty work. the street lights above me were going by faster and faster...I did not see my enemy next to me anymore. by 135mph Im some 6 cars ahead of him, maybe more...my windows were too dirty to do an actual count.
I slowed down and tried to give him a thumbs up...but I recieved no positive response from the two.
great kill with a not so great ending...but in the end, Johnny 1 SUV's 0
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to any cops reading this or any authority figures...this is a totally fake story derived from my twisted mind...I jotted this not-so-true events while i was taking a shit wondering why cops like to pick on me in Portland...oh yeah and then it was computer generated..dont ask how, it just is.
OHHH but this wasnt just ANY SUV....this was the porsche Cayenne...and this wasnt your typical "im 50 and need to let off steam cause my gray hairs are as depressing as my prostate"..OHH NO..this was a "im driving daddies car and think im the fuckin shit because it has a porsche label on it and want to impress my friend in the passenger seat by picking on imports" type of character.
The night was clear..I just got finished dropping shane off from watching Doom. Of course..from a night like that, i like to kick back, set the cruise control on and enjoy the ride home.
All was great till midway through Crosstown, this Porsche Cayenne decides he wants to pull up fast then match my speed next to me in a strong and failing effort to impress me. Ignorance is bliss at this point and he takes off while my cruise control takes care of my relaxation.
Sadly..the Cayenne did not want to give up...approaching the Y-split on cross town, i said "fuck it", went to 3rd gear, hit 17psi and passed his ass up like an ugly bitch at a kick ass club. Now im in front of him....i go back to my regularly scheduled program of cruise control.
We head up the harbor bridge, im constantly looking in my rear view mirror...which means, im ready for war. we hit up the causeway and i slow to 60mph..on the hump i see what is to be NO TRAFFIC AT ALL...so perfect..its like an empty dojo with only me and my enemy to fight the last dual.
he matches my speed..i go to 4th gear, im out of my powerband, but im still ready for action.
there is no honk, there is no flashing of the brights...there was just me waiting for him to go so i can give him the head start and proceed to open up a chest full of whoop-ass.
he takes off, i give him a second to enjoy his lead and i gas it..instant 17psi, by 85mph we are door to door..after that, the rest is all me. end of fourth, i SLAM it into top gear and let the turbo do its dirty work. the street lights above me were going by faster and faster...I did not see my enemy next to me anymore. by 135mph Im some 6 cars ahead of him, maybe more...my windows were too dirty to do an actual count.
I slowed down and tried to give him a thumbs up...but I recieved no positive response from the two.
great kill with a not so great ending...but in the end, Johnny 1 SUV's 0
