I wanna thank all of you for the responses. Im not better yet, but Im on a path. I think I pinpointed the major areas, money, my car, my father not being around (asshole left us, not dead, might as well be), and last, my gf (were fighting so much and as of last night its hanging on a thread.
Today at work, after last nights fight, I was extremely unstable, I cried 6 or 7 times and tried so hard not to. I had to go to the bathroom 3 times bc it was so out of control. Im loosing my grip on life and I dont see why. Im not taking any control bc Im scared of the consequence. I always thought ahead of the punishment, what itll do to me. The shit with my GF, theres some things that shes done that any man would straight up get rid of her (hasnt cheated, not that bad) But shitthat isnt right. I thought I had my life planned out from here out with her, its falling through the cracks. I think Ive written 5 or 6 songs in 3 days about it.
Without her Id pursue my music career, I dont want to but itll be my only way to get over it, cuz Im good at it and its my therapy.
Im not sure what to do right now, I told her Im leaving her alone to think for a while, and Im doing the same. I dont believe in breaks, your together or you arnt, pure and simple. Shes 19 and shes trying to win the fight and keep all the glory, Im about to make it very simple for her. Although Im kinda pushing her away, seeing if she realizes me not around is a big change.
Id go work on my car but I gotta wait one more week, need more money to get my parts. That thing would get all my money if I was single, Id be dropping a fully built 1JZ in there with big fucking turbos, so when I need to go for a drive, I go for a DRIVE. I used to go out there at night after a fight, drive the supra for 30mins to an Hour, speed my ass off in local dead spots, I felt better.
Anyways, my job, Im still looking, not quite sure what Im gonna do yet. I think Id actually be ok with my job, if I was paid $4/hr and still got overtime.
My mom loves my GF, but she sees the damage, shes trying to get me to befriend a girl she works with, whos 20, (1 year yonger than me) and just lost her bf, says wed be good friends... I dont know what the fuck shes thinking. I might do it to make my GF jelous, she was pissed when I went to see my moms store grand reopening sale and I met this chick, she was new, and my gf goes, "well was she ugly? haha..." ME: No...
yeah she wasnt happy. Anyways, Im trying to figure it out, its really hard to let go of someone you devoted everything too and was perfect for 85% of the time. 2 years down the drains?