I've heard a lot of folks bad mouthing their Ex. She was a nutjob, he mentally abused me, she broke up with me via text message, he's a no good drunk, etc. I understand where the urge to slam them comes from, however, there are strong reasons to buck the trend.
First, consider what it says about YOU. If your Ex was a nutjob, how does it look when you dated/married them by choice? Sure, you may not be quite the same level of crazy, but you're up there. Sure, you can debate that they lost it after the start of the relationship, however, trust me when I tell you nobody else is really going to believe that.
Next, remember that forgiveness isn't about them, again, it's about YOU. Take an example... boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy gets caught having sex with girl's sister, mom, best friend, (or all three) covered in baby oil on a bed of rose petals lit by a thousand candles under a crescent moon. Girl breaks up with boy, and hates him forEVER. What kind of person do you suppose will nurture a deep hatred of someone for the rest of their life? How healthy can that be? What will her friends think when she's still venomously bringing it up, 20 years later? How likely is she to have another meaningful relationship when she talks about her last one? On the other hand, look at the boy... sure, he's a dink, and everyone knows it, but do you think he's going to lose any sleep over it? Do you think he's even going to regret it? Seriously... he's down one girl, but the world is full of ladies. There's still over 3 billion girls out there who haven't heard of his evil actions.
In short, you'll be a healthier, happier person when you figure out how to forgive those that wrong you.
And last, for now, anyway, consider the audience. Moving on with your life, you'll be speaking to more and more people who haven't even met your Ex, and likely never will. Any warning that your words might convey is entirely wasted. Instead, all you will accomplish is convincing your new friends that you're slightly insane, and never willing to lay your problems to rest.
So, all my Exes are fantastic people... that you will probably never meet, anyway.
First, consider what it says about YOU. If your Ex was a nutjob, how does it look when you dated/married them by choice? Sure, you may not be quite the same level of crazy, but you're up there. Sure, you can debate that they lost it after the start of the relationship, however, trust me when I tell you nobody else is really going to believe that.
Next, remember that forgiveness isn't about them, again, it's about YOU. Take an example... boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy gets caught having sex with girl's sister, mom, best friend, (or all three) covered in baby oil on a bed of rose petals lit by a thousand candles under a crescent moon. Girl breaks up with boy, and hates him forEVER. What kind of person do you suppose will nurture a deep hatred of someone for the rest of their life? How healthy can that be? What will her friends think when she's still venomously bringing it up, 20 years later? How likely is she to have another meaningful relationship when she talks about her last one? On the other hand, look at the boy... sure, he's a dink, and everyone knows it, but do you think he's going to lose any sleep over it? Do you think he's even going to regret it? Seriously... he's down one girl, but the world is full of ladies. There's still over 3 billion girls out there who haven't heard of his evil actions.
In short, you'll be a healthier, happier person when you figure out how to forgive those that wrong you.
And last, for now, anyway, consider the audience. Moving on with your life, you'll be speaking to more and more people who haven't even met your Ex, and likely never will. Any warning that your words might convey is entirely wasted. Instead, all you will accomplish is convincing your new friends that you're slightly insane, and never willing to lay your problems to rest.
So, all my Exes are fantastic people... that you will probably never meet, anyway.
