What should I do? (Family Life Drama Rant)

[JDMMA70]

I need to get this out of my system, I currently only live with my father since my parents divorced when I was 2yrs old. Well recently I finally got my car running again told my boss I won't be coming in late to work anymore. So here I am about to head off to work when my father tells me I can't drive to work because the insurance on the car needs to be renewed. Im like ok that shouldn't take more than a day. Next day comes still hasn't done and yet again I have to wait for him to come and take me to work.

Now you may think that's not a big deal just find another ride or walk to work. I would ask a friend for a ride but my father will turn around and say he won't allow it. Its really odd how a friend can drive themselves over to visit me but when they are stuck and want to come visit and need a ride, he'll ask me why I need to go get them and won't let me go pick them up. Now as far as walking goes its a 10min car drive, so walking would take about an hour, and to him that's to far to be walking by myself. Im 17 about to be 18 for crying out loud. The whole car issue started when we got the car back in June of 07, my mom loaned me $2000 to which I've paid back to her. My dad paid for the other $751, now one would think the car would be under my name, but it isn't, my dad insisted it should be under his name since insurance would be cheaper.

The more and more I talk to my mom she tells m that was dad was singing dixie out of his ass. So ever since then I can't do anything without risking that car. I've put so much money into repairs and modification, as I really do enjoy that car and grateful that I was able to find one. If I threaten to walk to work he says If I take one foot out that door the car is gone, if I go anywhere without his permission the car is gone. I threaten to move out and go live with my mom and once again if I do the car is gone. Some would think its a risk worth taking but now that I've paid back my mom the money I've put into the car has been all mine so if he sells I lose all my blood sweat and tears.
What makes it worse im limited to where I can drive with the only exception being college (when it starts), and work. My mom could be in the hospital and he wouldn't even let me drive down to go see her just cause "she's too far for me to be driving" and the only way id be able to go is if he took me and that depends if he feels like it. He's even considering putting one of those gps chips in the car so he can moniter where I am at all times.

Sometime it makes me wonder why he wonders why I never had many friends in high school, I couldn't goto the mall of all places with friends unless one of their parents were there and this is my senior year in high school for christ sake he's treating me like a 8yr old. Im out of ideas of how I can talk to my dad and get him to loosen his grip up. I don't get why he's doing this in the first place normally parents would be happy to see their children being able to finally start to gain some major responsiblities.

I pay the insurance on the car, and all the maintence work that goes in it. I just need advice is there's any to be given about my situations.

Thanks
~JDMMA70

 

[mazzer]

cliffs.

 

[JustAnotherVictim]

Paragraphs at least.

 

[DonS1mpson]

The way I see it mate, you're living under your father's roof. He could tell you to go to work in a miniskirt and by rights, you should do it.

If you're truly not happy with your living arrangements, the last thing you need to be worrying about is a car. You screwed up getting the car signed in his name (well, you screwed up first when you loaned money off of your mom, but anyway), call his bluff. If he sales it then he sales it, you find out that your father is a complete asshole, you learn a life lesson and you're able to move on without making the same mistake again.

Anyway, you need to reassess your living arrangements, and your life in general because if the biggest thing you've got going is a 20 year old car, you're got some serious thinking to do.

Hope this helps

Josh

 

[supraman7mgte]

maybe your dad is scared that if you get the ins,car in your name,you wont be around anymore,hence,he'll be alone?
maybe some more info on the home sit might help!

 

[IJ.]

Sit down and write out your concerns in clear consice paragraphs leaving room after each for him to reply.

Hand him the paper and toddle off and do whatever telling him to take his time to read through it carefully and NOT do the kneejerk reply thing.

YOU can't sit down and talk this through without it getting all EMO and ugly on both sides.

It's either he's a control freak or as Supraman pointed out is scared of losing you and being alone or maybe even a combination of each.

If you want to remain living under his roof you really need to sort this.

 

[suprabad]

First of all, I have a 17 year old son, so I'm going to give you my opinion as a parent.

I don't know what your history is, but I'm assuming you're a good kid and have stayed out of trouble. If you haven't stayed out of trouble, then you're getting what you deserve and shouldn't whine. With the former assumption in mind, I think your father is way over the top here. He needs to realize that soon you will be a legal adult, and as such you need to learn to make your own decisions and assume responsibility for those decisions. I also think that your father has some control issues and he may not be ready to let you be your own person, as a father of a 17 year old boy I can well understand his reticence to just "let go", and I am not suggesting that he should do so all at once. However, the amount of control he is exercising over you at your age is excessive.

I would suggest you sit down and calmly discuss this with your father and see if you can work a compromise with him. Remind him that you'll be a legal adult soon and that eventually you will in fact be on your own. I would also point out to him that you have stayed out of trouble (assuming you have) and that you are worthy of his trust.

Failing that you are going to have to insist on being treated more like an adult (which you almost are). This may mean challenging his authority if he will not see reason, and possibly having to suffer some wrath from your father as he adjusts to the idea that you are no longer a small child, and that his complete control over you is no longer appropriate. Be prepared for some backlash, and expect it to take some time for him to come around to the idea.

It's your life, and ultimately you have to take responsibility for it, even when it comes to making your dad understand this concept.

 

[gaboonviper85]

damn dude I know were your comeing from!

I have no respect for my father....hated the man with such passion I used to dream of killing him....if he pulled this shit on me then I'd tuff it out till I was 18 then ask for him to sign the car over...if he didn't I'd drive it straight into his liveing room and go to my moms.

I know the frustration you are dealing with cause I've been there...forget the car...odds are he won't sign the car over...cut your losses and move.

Ps. Don't do what I would do...spending time in a psychiatric hospital isn't fun!!! Hot chicks though but they are all cutters LOL!

 

[GrimJack]

Assuming that you're still living under the paradigm of Father and Son, you have very little in the way of options. You're not old enough to live by yourself, therefore, he is allowed to set rules and you get to live by them.

It's his responsibility to make sure you don't get yourself killed before you are allowed to vote, and hopefully make sure you have enough of an education that you can take care of yourself. Many parents fall down when it comes to the education bit, unfortunately, you don't need a license to breed.

If you're that wound up about it, get ready for the day that you can move out. Save your money, figure out where you are going to go and what you going to do, plan it out, and when the time comes, *do* it. Require that the car be changed to your name at that time. If he won't agree, walk away from it - and believe me, $2000 isn't the most expensive lesson you'll learn in life. Feel free to talk to him about your plans, maybe he'll realize that it's about time to start worrying about what kind of relationship he will have with his son after you're on your own.

When push comes to shove, as long as you are willing and able to walk away from anything he can hold over your head, his control over you is finished. When my mom and her abusive new husband kicked my ass out at your age, I walked away from everything in my life... left virtually all my stuff there, took what I needed to work that I could carry, and didn't speak to either of them for 5 years. They didn't even find out I'd gotten married until a year after the fact! I've regretted leaving some of the possessions behind over the years - my instruments, stereo, music collection, keepsakes that were passed to me by my grandfather before he passed, hell, even the chance to go to college / university on someone else's dime. However, I know my mom has a *lot* more regrets than I do.

Do I suggest taking this approach? Hell no. To paraphrase Mike, stay at home as long as you can, stay out of jail, learn what you can and use it to make your life better.

PS: It's possible to turn a parent into a room mate through a decent amount of discussion and sharing the responsibilities like you would with a real room mate, but it's tough. I've yet to meet a kid who can do it without moving out on their own and getting a good hard dose of reality shoved down their throat by the rest of the world first.

 

[Jayhall]

Id ask him "is selling my car really worth you losing me when I move out to moms and never speak to you again?" I mean, its just a car, another one can be bought, but no car is worth personal freedom. As stated, it sounds to me like he is afraid of losing you. But, your almost a legal adult, and Im %100 positive that you are your own person, and you should be treated as such. I would tell him, "i want to be treated like a 17 year old, not a 7 year old, and a good first step would to be allowing me legal ownership of the car that I paid for and fixed."

Money doesnt exactly come easy, but in your life, you will make enough to buy another car. All that work youve put in, chalk it up as experience and your next fixer upper will be much easier.

Hope you figure out the whole sitiuation. Ive never had to deal with it, but thinking about it for a few minutes and this is the best i could come up with.

 

[greg88]

When push comes to shove, as long as you are willing and able to walk away from anything he can hold over your head, his control over you is finished. When my mom and her abusive new husband kicked my ass out at your age, I walked away from everything in my life... left virtually all my stuff there, took what I needed to work that I could carry, and didn't speak to either of them for 5 years. They didn't even find out I'd gotten married until a year after the fact! I've regretted leaving some of the possessions behind over the years - my instruments, stereo, music collection, keepsakes that were passed to me by my grandfather before he passed, hell, even the chance to go to college / university on someone else's dime. However, I know my mom has a *lot* more regrets than I do.

Great advice.

JDMMA70, I feel for you man. Some have suggested your dad may be afraid to cut the strings. If his behavior is as openly malicious as you suggest, then there could be more complex issues in play. My dad was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and he behaved exactly the same as you describe. There is a real possibility that your dad might never see the error of his ways. Right now, you should focus on keeping your head up. When your parents treat you like shit, it can really eat away at your self confidence.

I would suggest laying low until you turn 18... it will make your life easier in the short term. Sadly, there isn't much else one can do at you age. I left my parents house when I turned 18 and moved into an apartment with my GF. I've been out for two years now and it was the best decision I have ever made. I hope everything works out for you.

 

[Fuzz420]

Great Advice in this thread

Personally i would tough it out untill i was 18 and leave, or move to moms. You risk losing the car in every scenerio, but if your 18 and of legal age, and you would really like your car you could try small claims court. Im sure the last thing anyone would want to due is sue a family member,but if you worked hard for this car and paid for it, you deserve it.

My last suggestion would be do whats best for you. If it means losing a material object like a car then so be it. You can always find another if you have the determination and perseverance to under take the task. It may take time, but time is all you have

 

[JMDigital]

What I would do..

Remove all mods. Put the car back to stock. Store the mods somewhere dad cant get to them, move out, let him sell the car un-modified. Get a place of your own, buy another supra, Install mods. Live happy..

Tell your dad he can come visit you as long as he does not need to borrow "YOUR" car..

 

[Poodles]

Yep, not to mention you could install a nicely hidden kill switch so he'd have a harder time selling it as it doesn't run

If push comes to shove, since you did pay for the car, you could take him to court over it...

 

[foreverpsycotic]

If push comes to shove, since you did pay for the car, you could take him to court over it...

Unfortunately, no. The car is in his fathers name, not his.

Have you talked to your mother about possibly moving in with her? Have you told her about what is going on in your fathers house?

BTW I think I met you at TX08. If you are the person I am thinking of, you are a good kid, stay that way and you will be fine for the rest of your life.

 

[Clueless]

your dad sounds like an asshole/control freak...."let's put a smile on that face!"

 

[Brewster]

I think the only real solution here is to... kill your father.

 

[Poodles]

Unfortunately, no. The car is in his fathers name, not his.

Yes, but I've known people to win in coart to either get the car, or the money that was gained from selling it since they paid for it.

 

[LilMissMkIII]

Overprotective parents are not worth whinging so much about... HTFU.

You need to stop the "woe is me" attitude and think outside the box.

(I'm not trying to be harsh, but you are not the first nor the last kid to have issues with the parentals)

TALK to your father. It sounds like you both need to learn to COMPROMISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!