http://www.jacknjake.com/2006/04/09/fcking-tomtom/
Navigation my ass…
If you’ve ever seen the “TomTom” (www.tomtom.com) …you have an idea of what I’m about to bitch about. If not, well, visit the site and then check this out.
It started off as a good week…I just went into BestBuy to pickup a car charger for my iPod because I was taking a long trip upstate with my girlfriend to her cabin for the weekend.
Anyway, I somehow ended up in front of the “portable navigation systems” and I thought to myself “This would make the trip SOOO much easier…” Hey, it was only a couple hundred dollars right? Besides, I’d just return it after the trip and I’d have the best of both worlds…
That’s when the “TomTom” caught my eye….oh so sexy…small and reasonably priced.
I found a sales manager and I was walking out with a big yellow bag in no time.
I couldn’t even wait to get it home….I took it out instantly and made it find the best way home. It was so cool…
Alright enough of that…let’s fast forward a couple days to Thursday. I found the address to the cabin and had programmed it as a “favorite” into my TomTom. I got to my girlfriend’s house around 5 and we were on the road by 6.
Now you need to understand, I’ve been to the cabin a couple times before. I’ve driven every time too, so I knew how to get there…almost by memory. There really was no NEED in me having TomTom, but hey…it was cool and I thought it’d make the trip easier. I started off driving down the service road to the highway near my house. As strange as this may sound….TomTom didn’t pick up the service road. The road I was on is one of the biggest where I live so I was shocked, but TomTom didn’t care….it continued calling it “Unknown Road”…ok fine, it got the rest no problem.
So I’m heading out on the road with my girl in the front seat, and we get across the city and TomTom throws me a curve ball. “Lower Level of Bridge”….at this point I’m thinking “WTF TomTom you can’t get on the parkway from the lower level”…I continued anyway, I knew it had a plan and I felt obligated to use it.
Alright, wow so we’re taking a completely different route, a bit longer but TomTom says he’ll get us there faster. Nice…
Everything went perfect. We were about 30 minutes outside of the cabin when I’m driving down the road and TomTom tells me to turn left…
Turn Left?….WTF TomTom there’s no road to my left.
Ok, so let’s back track…I bust a U-Turn and take a closer look…would you look at that, on this dark ass road at 10:30PM there’s a small road to the left.
I turn onto it…at this point I’m a bit wary as it’s not paved. Well…not true, it was “Oil Pressed” which is basically a cheap ass way of paving that they do where they just dump oil on the road and roll it with a steam roller to keep it flat…regardless, it’s not the worst road but it’s not at all as good as a tar paved road…OK, so I’m heading down the road. TomTom advises me to keep on it for 3 miles. I do so, then I hear “Left Turn Ahead”…sure TomTom no problem. This is where it gets a bit aggravating…we’re on a 100% dirt road now. There’s no more luxury of “Oil” on this road….just dirt. No biggy, I’m driving a truck and it’s a wide road….for now. TomTom tells me to stay on it for about another 3 miles. That’s fine…as I continue, this “wide” road turns from about 15 feet across to about 8 across. Apparently…now this road is one way as there’s no possible way I could move for an oncoming vehicle. I’m astonished at this point, I have NO idea how TomTom even knows what this road is nevermind why it’s taking me this way as the “fast way”. Another turn ahead…2 more miles, and then it hits me “Seasonal Road”…fuck. OK I’m way too far to turn back at this point and even if I wanted to, I can’t because there’s forest on both sides, I’d have to drive in reverse for a couple miles. Fine TomTom, let’s continue. Now I wish I had dirt under my tires…the road has narrowed to about 6 foot and there’s no dirt, just mud and puddles of water. I take a look to my right, it looks like there’s a lake that’s flooding the road. Up…down, this has become me actually scaling the mountain with my truck. There’s no more road, it’s just water and solid rocks…I’ve begun sliding back. I’m in low gears pushing the car at 5-6RPMS to keep it moving. I’m clutching the steering wheel tight as hell trying to keep control of my car from sliding into a Lake and my girlfriend is clenched to my arm ready to burst into tears. Another mile…
TomTom has forsaken me or so I though…when I was at this point, I was very aggravated but I never lost faith in TomTom.
After tracking through the wilderness, TomTom alerts me to make a left up ahead…THERE’S A GOD!
Yes…we’re here!
So…wtf was all that about. TomTom apparently took me through the back roads of the mountain, and as a result, scared the fucking shit out of me and my girlfriend.
Well, TomTom apparently knows every single road, despite the fact that this wasn’t even a road….so yea, it knows every road except of course, the main service road in the area that I live. Fantastic TomTom…fucking fantastic.
Needless to say…TomTom is going back to BestBuy unconditionally.
-Jake
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