monday bar jokes

[Ckanderson]

A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs and swings him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey, buddy, what are you doing?" And the blind man says, "Don't mind me. I'm just looking around."

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He says, "A beer for me and one for my giraffe." And they stand around drinking for hours until the giraffe passes out on the floor. The man pays the tab and gets up to leave. The bartender says, "Hey! You're not going to leave that lyin' on the floor, are you?" The man says, "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

Two antennas got married. The wedding was awful, but the reception was excellent.

A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra.

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a black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

The parrot orders a drink.

Bartender "Hey that's pretty cool, where'd you get that thing?"

"Africa, they're all over the place"

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[Syris]

Parrot Joke is pretty good, others....not so much

 

[ArthurRitus]

parrot jokes funny, i think im too slow to get the lion / giraffe joke. ...... because i still dont, hopefully im not the only one

 

[SupraDerk]

parrot jokes funny, i think im too slow to get the lion / giraffe joke. ...... because i still dont, hopefully im not the only one

lyin' = lion = same pronunciation


"You gonna leave that lyiin' (lion) on the floor? It's not a lion, it's a giraffe"

 

[Poodles]

doesn't work to well in text, if you where to say it, it would work...

 

[ArthurRitus]

LOL alright, yeah it makes more sense said out loud (thats the excuse im rollin with)

 

[Sawbladz]

The parrot joke made my afternoon.

 

[87J-Spec]

So a pirate walks into a bar, and he has a steering wheel in his pants. He orders a beer, and as he's chuggin it the bar tender says to him "you know there's a sterring wheel in your pants". The pirate slams his drink down and looks the bar tender in the eyes and says "ARRRR ITS DRIVIN ME NUTS!"

 

[lagged]

i laughed at all of them. thanks ck i needed that!

 

[Loki]

parrot jokes funny, i think im too slow to get the lion / giraffe joke. ...... because i still dont, hopefully im not the only one

Funnier then any of Ck's jokes

 

[ArthurRitus]

Ok heres one...

A bear walks into a bar, and says "Id like a ....................................................................miller"

The bartender says "why the big pause?"

The bear says i got it from my parents.

 

[Quin]

I lol'd

 

[tissimo]

:rofl:

 

[87J-Spec]

Little johny and his grampa were fishing at the dock, gramps is drinkin a beer so little johny looks at him and asked "can I try that". Gramps replies "can your dick touch your ass?" little johny says "no". Gramps then lights up a cigare, and little johny wants to try that to. Again gramps asked if his dick can touch his ass. Little johny says "no" again. A few hours go by and little johny pulls out some cookies, gramps says "can I have one of those". Little johny says "can your dick touch your ass?", Gramps says "yes it does".
So little johny says "go fuck yourself then"

 

[suprahero]

I didn't like the parrot joke, but I think the bear joke was kinda funny. I think jokes are mostly dependent on timing and it's hard to nail down your timing over the internet. Some people read way too slow for it to be funny.

Edit: Now that's funny!!!!! Fo fuck yourself...............::hah::

 

[Kai]

Paddy and Murphy walk into a bar. Ouch.