So the other day I was driving my Carrera GT home from work and I see this Enzo just sitting at the lights looking bored. I pull up to him and from the second I look over I know it's game time. Looking over his car I realize that this is not going to be a race for the weak of heart. He was rollin on 25 inch chrome dubs and had the brightest neon purple underlights I've ever seen. Luckily for me I had just gotten the DC Sports sticker kit off eBay for 300 USD. With those babies on my car there was no way that this enzo was going to take me. As we wait at the light it is as if the whole world is in slow motion. It seemed as if there was an eternity between each massive hit of my 25,000 dollar xplode sound system. Predictably the lights began to change. Out of nowhere I hear a roar the likes of which I've only ever encountered when near an 89 civic hatch. This guy meant business. Yellow ... Red ... BAM! All of a sudden it is a scene from TFATF with light bending as I shift 20 times per second. Luckily for me I knew how to double clutch while accelerating... that probably saved me. A few seconds pass as we fly down the roadway with 40 ft blue flames exiting our exhausts. In my minds eye I can see the crowds of people cheering me on, staring at me from their whips wishing that they could be me. All of a sudden I can see the finish line, its green florescent paint shinning next to the school zone sign. I couldn't believe it, I was in the lead! I was going to beat a Ferrari fucking Enzo! I could already see my victory speech: God bless you DC Sports for your amazing aerodynamic stickers. Thank you Vin Diesel for sharing with me your many words of wisdom. The line was so close that I could see the glow of the paint reflecting off my chrome park bench in my rear view mirror. Wait wait, what is this...? WTF? What is that? BAM!! Like a jet breaking the sound barrier this white 86.5 NA Auto supra blows by me and takes the win. I couldn't believe my eyes, I had lost. I quickly drove over to the supra to see if I could find something in his car that I could use to nullify the win. All of a sudden I see Chuck Norris emerge from the car. I stare blankly at him for two seconds before he round house kicks me in the face. It felt like my face had broken the speed of light and gone into the future. Next thing I knew I was in the hospital staring in a mirror but seeing only a bunch of machines beeping back at me. Just before I went into a coma I saw Chuck Norris' face saying, "It don't matter if you lose by an inch or a mile, you’re still a fucking ricer."
Cliff Notes: The only way your story could ever work is if Chuck Norris was driving.